Hi, another long one for me so please read to the end because I need advice for this level of turmoil.
I have been with my partner for just short of 8 years, since I was 18. I've always had low self-esteem and was in awe that I could have landed someone like him. He has always been insecure and jealous, his ex cheated on him many times throughout his past relationship. Fast forward 8 years after both good times and bad times, we have bought our own house together and a 4 year old DS. His name on the mortgage as I'm not in a permanent position at the moment.
Partner has an extremely short temper which makes living with him absolute hell on earth. An example, I can do every little thing in the house and he will still find something to pick at that I haven't done to his liking. He can be very selfish and likes a drink on a night time. Also likes to throw the occasional insult out there - fat, ugly, sl*g, bad mum etc. However it must be said that I am NOT perfect, I can be extremely messy and lazy at times.
As I've had a bit of time off recently - when I work I'm usually 100mph so never get time to myself. I've had time to reflect on our relationship and do not feel great about it. We don't have sex - generally I'm not in the mood and when I refuse he goes absolutely mental saying I can't possibly love him. I do understand his frustration but usually find myself having sex to just shut him up which isn't fair on either of us. I've been very open with my feelings and went to stay with my parents for a few days. Ever since he has been the perfect partner. He's trying really hard which makes me doubt my decision and now my head is absolutely fried because he hasn't said any insults in a few weeks. I've never had to deal with this in my life as I've always imagined a future with us as a team and a family. I just don't want to regret whatever decision I go for. Don't want to leave him to make a huge mistake and be alone forever as I believe life is for sharing with someone.
I've tried taking a step backwards to evaluate everything that our relationship is. Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or that can offer me ANY advice from an outsiders perspective. Thanks in advance xx