Should I be ok with this?

[crossingboundaries]

New poster but am after other opinions which for a variety of reasons I don't want to speak to my friends about...so am really hoping to get some help here

Been in relationship with DH for several years, when we first got together and for the first couple of months he had a PA that he rarely saw and communicated with mainly via email, text and phone.

Found out afterwards that this happened after we had got together as he was aware that she liked him, that she had tried to kiss him and that she would often message him inappropriately. I have since seen the messages and I think she fell in love with him and he liked the attention he was getting and in some cases prior to me encouraged it. She also got far too involved in his personal life and not just his work life.

He has gone without a PA since she left however has come to me today to ask how I would feel if he got a short term PA for 1-2 months to help him get on top of his workload.

My immediate reaction (which I haven't given him yet) is that I'm not ok with it. History tells me that boundaries were crossed before and that he allowed her to behave inappropriately for his own ego.
I also know that if the situation was the other way around eg I wanted to be a PA or do something where I worked directly alongside another male in this manner he would not be ok with this. But I also don't want to hold him back if this is what he thinks he needs to get on top of things.

How would you react to this? I don't want to have an argument about it and obviously it's great that he has come to me and said this but I clearly have my doubts

X

How are things going to work long term if you cant handle him worling closely with women, or being in regular contact with one/some? Surely that might happen eventually anyway?

So he enjoyed attention from his PA when he was single? Not brilliant given the dynamic but forever people have met and started relationships at work, often with people 'junior' to them.

He put a stop to it when he met you. I'd be extremely unhappy if my partner felt they could control who I did or didn't employ or work with.

I'd say don't tar all women with the same brush personally

Yes of course, that's why I want to handle this right and not go all guns blazing saying I'm not ok with it as that just isn't real life.

I understand what you are saying and I agree, guess I'm just looking for advice on how to deal with it now

No definitely agree with what you have all said

Would you set some boundaries from the start though or just leave him be and trust it I suppose

Are you serious?

Is that response serious??

What boundaries do you want to set for the PA? Can you appreciate that you might be coming across as a little unhinged?

You sound very insecure and needy.

You need to trust your partner, not worry that he’s going to shag every women he comes into contact with.

My OH and I work FT. We have work nights out with colleagues and I (a woman) even go skiing with a group of mainly men. Does my OH ‘let’ me go? No. Because our relationship is built on mutual respect and trust.

What makes you think some random woman would fall hopelessly in love with your husband ?

If you don't trust him, just say so.

It should be possible to work alongside someone of the opposite sex without it always being a potentially sexual relationship

And you seem to have an odd dynamic going on if you consider yourself "not allowed" to work closely with men

Help him interview his PA and choose the really ugly one

How about a male PA ?
But not a gay one

The wife of one of the managing directors of a major investment bank used to interview the PAs and secretaries and select plain ones or males. This made her a laughing stock. Anyway, I digress...either you trust him or you don't; if he's ripe for an affair he could meet someone in a bar or on the train, he wouldn't need to hire and pay a PA.