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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU about partners new car...

8 replies

1ronspaa · 06/08/2018 16:36

My partner (not married but together a long time with one kid) has just gone and splashed out on a new car that he will be paying £380 a month having already signed the contract without saying anything to me. He previously told me he had wanted the car however I said to him that we should wait and discuss it together... We both have cars but mine is an old banger that's not worth more than a grand and his is decent though he wanted to trade it in soon. I objected to the suggestion of a brand new car and said we should get a second hand one instead? I thought we were going to discuss this together but he's just gone and signed the contract without bothering to tell me... I know it's his money but to me it is still a big financial decision that affects us all as a family and I am angry and upset that he signed the contract without properly discussing it together first.. I feel as though I've been lied to almost. He says he works hard and deserves the new car because it would make him happy and is a car that he really likes...

Not too long ago he told me he was going to a festival with his friend for a weekend which was fine and I said have a good time etc.. Then he turns around and says that the festival is actually a week long as they are camping there. He booked time off his work for that when he started his new job and again didn't tell me after. I was mad because he did not bother to tell me anything even though it will be me looking after our kid while he goes on my own I would of thought he would have bothered to say something instead of blurting it out while we were having a meal with friends (this is when I found out that he was going 6 days instead of just the weekend).

On top of it all have just found out I'm pregnant and hormones are all over the place.. We both wanted another one but I would have wanted to save up money for the arrival of our child together (since babies cost) and he's just gone and splashed out on this car which annoyed me because I wanted to save money together as we are expecting and he was on board with TTC and knew that I could get pregnant any month and babies aren't exactly cheap? I would have said lets get a 2nd hand car and try to save up for baby on the way (he works full time and I part time but we're by no means rich)

AIBU to feel angry and upset that he doesn't bother to discuss things (which I consider important) with me before doing them ?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 06/08/2018 17:00

To be fair, he did discuss it with you and you disagreed. In his defence I priced up a second hand car that I wanted and it worked out cheaper per month buying it brand new on pcp. Go figure.

The camping thing would have bugged me though.

slovenlys · 06/08/2018 20:12

Mmmm I couldn't get too het up about the car.

The camping thing would be my main focus, but even then it's important for you both to do things by yourselves.

Armchairanarchist · 06/08/2018 21:54

I've just bought a brand new car and didn't consult DH. It's my car. DH would be really upset if I booked a week away from our family without discussing it. What would he say if you acted in the same way?

Gorrillagirlfanclub · 06/08/2018 22:13

I suppose it depends on how you do money. But I'd be furious!

To me it doesn't really sound like he thinks you're a team who make decisions together for your family.

If that money doesn't make much difference to your lifestyle then it's no big deal. But to me it seems a lot to pay out every month especially with a new baby on the way.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 06/08/2018 22:28

Are you his partner or primarily 'the woman he had a child with'?

The car is annoying but booking six days away without discussing it and checking it's okay to leave you to do the parenting? And then he informed you whilst you were out having a meal with friends! He would be out the door.

springydaff · 06/08/2018 22:43

Do you have legal stuff in place so you'd be protected if he takes off? Assuming he is the greater earner. You're the one taking the hit by having babies.

Whose idea is it not to get married?

lapenguin · 06/08/2018 22:48

Both those things would annoy me.
All it takes is a proper discussion.
I don't know what your financial situation is but if do went and spent that much a month on a car I'd be pissed as hell, that'd be money we could do with. Lots of people want to live a life of caviar but on a beans on toast income.

Nicknacky · 06/08/2018 22:50

With a new car you do have the advantage of no MOT for three years and lack of maintaince and repair costs. That’s something to bear in mind.

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