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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It's not me , is it ?

24 replies

Oddcat · 06/08/2018 13:46

I reconnected with a chap I worked with when I was 16, he was 24 (I'm now 54), I fancied the pants off him and he used to make my heart skip when I saw him. We went on a few dates and spent a couple of days together . I had an idea he had a gf back then but wasn't sure and was so swept away by him that I sort of ignored it anyway.

Fast forward to now , I drove to his at the weekend and we chatted non stop, he's still got the same cheeky way about him. He asked if I wanted to stay over and I said no thankyou. He then kept on and on talking about how nice it would be to cuddle and how he wanted to kiss me etc , I said it was all a bit full on for me . I sat in an armchair , he knelt in front of me with his hands on the arms of the chair , so I was somewhat imprisoned and kept on talking about cuddling , sayinghow much he likes me still . I literally leant as far back as I could , pulled a face and said its just not going to happen . I drove home soon after , during which time he called me on my mobile ( the phone answers automatically so I spoke to him briefly - I said I was busy the next few weekends with family stuff and he invited himself along !) . He called me yesterday and today , I've ignored them.

His behaviour was so off putting, I'm not going to see him again . I'm disappointed that a man of his age still has no respect for a woman and I want to tell him so. It's not me being frigid but the thought of being with another man now repulses me.

OP posts:
noego · 06/08/2018 14:12

No means no. End of. If he doesn't respect that then he has crossed the line.

Thebluedog · 06/08/2018 14:16

Stay well clear OP.

antimatter · 06/08/2018 14:18

He had a plan, you said "No".
Lucky escape.

Oddcat · 06/08/2018 14:45

I'm so angry with him that he thought I was a pushover and by saying these things in a silly voice or keep telling me how much I'd like it , I would give in . Yuck !

OP posts:
SamanthaP1 · 06/08/2018 15:46

It's strange when you see someone you haven't seen for such a long time, especially when you have moved on and grown up and they remain in the same little fantasy world as if not a day has gone by. He sounds like he considers himself a bit of a charmer. Looks like you had a lucky escape more than once. I can understand you feeling repulsed and somewhat it seems it has made you feel unsettled? I think it would do the same to me. It is almost like being taken back to a place you left behind a long time ago. Try and move on and forget about that creep. He doesn't deserve someone like you, I am glad you could see your worth xx

Oddcat · 06/08/2018 21:10

That's it exactly SamanthaP1 , I was so young and naive , I can now see him for what he was and still is.

OP posts:
Oddcat · 06/08/2018 21:32

He's just phoned again for the third time today . I was hoping to just not have any more contact with him . In my book , as I've only seen him twice ( first time was bumping into him at a reunion), I don't need to tell him that I don't want to see him again because we're hardly in a relationship, if I don't answer his calls, he should just leave it . Obviously, he's going to need telling isn't he ?

OP posts:
SamanthaP1 · 06/08/2018 21:57

Maybe just send a short sharp message, plain and clear that you aren't interested, if it doesn't work or you don't want the aggravation, block him. You don't owe him an explanation or anything else. The sooner you cut ties with this guy, the better x

Oddcat · 06/08/2018 22:03

I'm going to have to speak to him , he hasn't got a mobile phone !

OP posts:
TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 06/08/2018 22:05

Christ Odd he sounds like an ex of mine. He was way too full on too soon and did the wheedling, the physical blocking and the little boy voices and arrrrrgh! I ran. Fast. In the opposite direction. Just thinking about it makes my heart rate go up.

ladamanera · 06/08/2018 22:12

Are you single? If not just say so to him. If so say you are in love with someone else. Everyone available tries to kiss people they like. No biggie.

FishingIsNotASport · 06/08/2018 22:22

I don't understand the issue. He was awful, you don't want to see him again, end of. I think the fact you were willing to drive over to his probably raised his hopes that you were up for more than tea and cakes. Not your fault at all, just the way many men think.

Oddcat · 06/08/2018 22:44

You're right, it isn't a big deal , his behaviour was just a bit disconcerting , how he jumped from shall we meet for lunch to pinning me in a chair and insisting I kiss him. I'm happily single and after this I really think I'll stay single !

OP posts:
PickAChew · 06/08/2018 22:50

Just tell him straight that you find a man with no respect for your boundaries really off-putting so please can he stop contacting you.

And I find the lack of mobile phone a bit odd.

FishingIsNotASport · 06/08/2018 22:59

I'll get berated for this, but I think many men think women who show any interest of them will be as keen to have sex as they are. Many years ago I met up with an old boyfriend. I was genuinely only interested in catching up with his news - I liked him and we parted on good terms but I no longer had any desire for him. It became obvious quite quickly that he assumed we would be having sex. When I explained that I really wasn't interested he exclaimed "So why did you want to meet up then?" He couldn't get his head around the fact I expected just a chat and a drink. Perhaps I'm just very naïve.

Oddcat · 06/08/2018 23:09

That's all I thought it would be Fishing , a catch up , he obviously had other ideas , I gave out no signals that I'm aware of that I expected anything more.

The lack of mobile phone is a bit odd these days , but he says he doesn't need one .

OP posts:
TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 07/08/2018 07:12

Oh Fishing that's really sad. His only frame of reference to life is sex!

Cuttingthegrass · 07/08/2018 07:20

At least without a mobile there's only one number to block!

But yes, sounds like you'll need to be blunt and tell him you don't want a relationship or to kiss him, that he crossed your boundaries and therefore you don't want him contacting you again. What a nightmare of a man

Onemansoapopera · 07/08/2018 07:30

I can't really see the issue. Just stop answering the calls or tell him not to phone again.

Monday55 · 07/08/2018 07:48

What's he using to call you with ? Just block the number and that'll be the end of...Hopefully he doesn't send a letter with a pigeon, he sounds odd and unpleasant !!

Skittlesandbeer · 07/08/2018 07:56

He’s shown you a lot of ‘deal-breakers’ all in a very short time. Take your pick.

I’m surprising myself to realise that for me the lack of mobile phone would rank number one. He seems very out of touch with the real world, methinks he does need a mobile phone, and any other connections to modern life that he can get a hold of...!!

WasFatNowThin · 07/08/2018 09:03

I bumped into an ex after over 25 years a few months back, I know he's married, he knows I'm married, but he acted threw his arms around me and kissed me, I was so startled I froze. Admittedly I let things go further when I shouldn't have.

Oddcat · 07/08/2018 13:56

I don't think he's done very well for himself tbh. I'm not a gold digger, I am financially independent,will own my home outright next year , have a good private pension etc . But he lives in a very run down mobile home , which was filthy inside ( he said he'd cleaned it !) , so having no mobile phone doesn't surprise me .

I can see that he hasn't changed from all those years ago when he thought it was ok to hold score cards up when us young girls walked past in the office . He sounds worse and worse doesn't he ?

I will tell him that i don't want to see him any more and hopefully I won't receive any messages by carrier pigeon , smoke signals or any other antiquated means !

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 07/08/2018 14:06

No surprise he is on his own - Weirdo.

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