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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Redundancy

5 replies

SamanthaP1 · 06/08/2018 12:45

I am a part-time working Mother, also studying for my Masters at University, I have a 2 year old DD, I get to spend 3/4 days at home with DD and work other days and evenings to ensure we have a fruitful lifestyle.

My DH is a full time Director and also works very hard, he is a lovely father and spends as much time with his DD as possible. We both see friends and go out together where possible, so in that respect we have a healthy balanced lifestyle.

The problem has been with DH's job, he thinks he may be getting made redundant. He has been at this job for 6 months, prior to that he was somewhere 12 months roughly, prior to that 3 months and prior to that 2 years, I think you see where I am going with this.

A lot of the moving around, interviews, etc happened when I was pregnant, we had just moved house too, it was all VERY stressful. I am sure DH is getting very tired of all of this more so than what I am and I will fully support him no matter what he has to do, I just need somewhere where I can get this off my chest, because it is all really tough to keep dealing with.

He has a very high paid job and it is not easy to just get another one. We have a lot relying on his wage, the house, his car.....I wish he didn't have to have such flashy cars, watches etc, but he works so hard and he does deserve to have something to show for how hard he works, but I care less about those sorts of things and most of my money goes on DD.

We have a lot going on at the minute, DH's mother has recently been diagnosed with Dementia, she has also had 4 strokes and been told she needs to stop smoking, I have to arrange all of her appointments and who goes with her if I am unavailable, we are also trying to get her moved closer to us, but having a smokey flat, no one is biting. We have tried to help her stop smoking, but she won't, so that is a worry in itself. She is a lovely grandmother, but other than that she is a stubborn old lady who is very selfish.

I have high blood pressure and I am currently undergoing tests to see what the cause is, I am 30 years old and a size 6, I eat healthy and exercise where possible, most of the time I am running around after a 2 year old so it isn't to do with my physical health.

My Mum helps out with my DD when I am working, but I worry about putting on her too much because she has an Acoustic Neuroma, causing her to get tired easily, so I have arrange for DD to go to preschool for 2 mornings per week, costing an additional £200 per month, which I am funding. It doesn't sound a lot, but trying to juggle all of this and pay for additional things like this and fund my University etc, then to be told DH may be made redundant, I feel like it is all getting on top of me.

I know this isn't me taking the hit directly and understand that it is 2x more stressful for DH, but I do take on a lot to ensure he has less to deal with, such as taking his mothers calls for appointments etc. His job is very busy and fast paced, but I find that looking after this house, DD, my job, university, his Mum, my family, the dog and other bits and pieces is a lot of hard work too and we could just do without this happening again.

OP posts:
notanurse2017 · 06/08/2018 12:50

Why does your DH move jobs a lot, are there underlying problems or is it just bad luck?

You have a huge amount to deal with.

Your DH doesn't have to have expensive cars or watches...

Cherubfish · 06/08/2018 12:55

This sounds very stressful OP. My DH was made redundant a couple of years ago and I really feel for you. I earn a lot less than him, so there was a lot of pressure on him to find another job quickly and me to keep everything else on an even keel. I can't imagine going through it over and over again as you have.

I agree with you - maybe suggest to DH that you sell the fancy cars etc to reduce the stress levels for both of you.

Vampyress · 06/08/2018 13:44

I agree with the posters above, at the very least since its something that is happening frequently then he should be making sure there is money put aside as a rainy day fund to cover when he is between jobs. Also long term moving around isn't going to be ideal for your dd, when she starts school she will need stability for her emotional and eductional benefit. It might be worth discussing how to manage your family and his career long term. My husband has a high paid job in a niche industry so commutes and even overseas work have been part of our history. Before we had babies I had to set ground rules that I would not accept him being away from home for more than x number of nights a week and no more overseas work unless we both agree I should up my career which is also very well paid. I don't think it's unreasonable to discuss these things when considering what's best for the family.

My husband is at risk of redundancy and we are expecting a baby this week and have a toddler so I can fully empathise with how you are feeling. Even without his work issues you are taking on a hell of alot super mum, how are you doing otherwise? Flowers

SamanthaP1 · 06/08/2018 14:50

Some good points there, thank you, We haven't moved around a lot physically, I am not sure where that comment has come from, we moved when I was pregnant to a good area specifically for the schools, which DD in mind. My DD is not going to suffer as a result.

As for a safety net, we do have money saved and he has a watch he can trade in immediately which would help keep us afloat for a while.

Thank you to you all for empathising, it's nice to feel like I am not alone, although I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I am sorry to hear your husband is at risk of redundancy too. It isn't a very nice feeling, I don't think there is any "good" time to hear that, but it is especially hard when you have a family and other things going on - such as a baby on the way.

Otherwise I am OK, we are a happy family most of the time and we have a very happy little Miss who makes us laugh so much. I am not allowed to have anymore children, because there are too many risks involved, we would have been thinking about another one now I think....as are our friends thinking about baby number 2, or just had baby number 2, so I guess that is at the back of my mind. But our little girl is a beautiful little human and is more than enough to make up our little family.

I just wish that we weren't having this horrible situation again, DH has had terrible luck with his past jobs, it's nothing to do with an underlying issue thankfully......there has been jobs he's left because there was simply too much time away from home, he's had better offers elsewhere, poached a lot, but then its just been various issues with the companies, a few were owed by group corporations that have sold the businesses, the industry he was in wasn't great prior to now, it just so happens that most of the companies have started closing down now, due to export etc.

It's just been a bit rubbish really!! I am just thankful that I have been working for myself very successfully for 6 years and once I have finished my Masters it opens even more doors. Just one more year to go.......

OP posts:
Vampyress · 06/08/2018 21:31

Ahhh sorry I misunderstood your post and thought you had to move house due to his job rather than you just moved house! Please don't think I was judging even if that was the case, written words can come across so condescending in this kind of environment and I really wasn't aiming for that Flowers.

My DH and I are software developers but he specialises in telecommunications so alot of how you are describing his work situation resonates a great deal with me as DH is facing very similar issues (hence me setting expectations before having babies). Almost all the jobs in DH specialiity are being outsourced to other countries now as its cheaper or very far away. I really hope your husband finds something quickly which he loves if he does wind up being redundant. Finances aside, it's really crappy seeing your love and best friend having a hard time and being unable to fix it for them.

You sound like an exceptional mum and wife and very devoted to your family. I never went past a degree to my masters and I can't begin to imagine how much effort it must take having a toddler at the same time as well as everything else you are juggling. I really hope everything works out well for you all xx

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