I'm paranoid he's cheating...

[AnnaStudy]

These thoughts have only occured the oast 3 days, and coincedentally it's the time of the month so could be that. I havent said anything to him because i think it's all just in my head and it's driving me crazy so i need to rant.

Background: been together 3 years. I'm 23, he's 25. He has cheated on me in the past. Once on a holiday a few months into our relationship and then he drunkingly kissed a girl at the beginning of the year after we had a massive argument. During this time, he was also messaging 2 of his exes which he deleted the texts and told me they messaged him first and he told them he had a girlfriend but he just sent a few messages catching up. He poured his heart out to me at the beginning of the year, he told me about the messages and the drunken kiss so i forgave him because he told me straight away and he seemed sincere and as though he was about to cry. I believe we all make mistakes so i gave him another chance.

Fast forward to this month. Everything seemed great. Only 2 weeks ago i had a drunken 3am call about how much he loves me. But this week i've just felt so distant from him. The past 2 times i've been to his house he has been constantly on his phone messaging his friends he says (but i just feel he's on it more than usual, i'm basically being ignored), he's been taken forever to respond to me (however he has been helping his uncle with the garden)(and i havent been nagging him to message me back, i've just been silently paranoid and left him to it), he doesnt seem to be as cuddly with me this week (just gives me a peck and turns over), he's been going out every saturday for the past month (he was hardly out before),

I probably sound so stupid and paranoid but i just feel like he's behaving quite similar to how he did at the beginning of the year before he confessed to everything. Maybe it's effected me more than i thought :(
He is stressed lately though. He doesnt know what to do with his life and is thinking about moving away to another country by the end of the year because he hates his job and hates living with his parents at his age (i cant go because of uni, and this alone makes me want to cry but i act happy and excited for him).
It's probably is just my time of the month making me more needy -.- but i just wanted to get it all out because i dont want to (for obvious reasons) bring it up to him

It sounds like he has withdrawn emotionally from the relationship, perhaps preparatory to moving away. I'm sorry, that must sting.

H's already cheated on you several times. You will, for the rest of your life together, always be wondering what he's doing, who he's with etc.

Sounds like it has run its course.
Time for you to move on.

Nothing youve said screams cheater if its literally only been a few days.

Apart from the fact he has already cheated on you at least twice in 2 years, anyway.

Withdraw yourself, if possible take control and recognise that this relationship isn't working for you. Because it isn't, he cheats on you and makes you feel insecure. When relationships go wrong it really hurts. BUT you will raise your standards by taking control and find someone who makes you feel brilliant and not unhappy.

Thanks for the feedback everybody! It just seems random if he could withdraw in a matter of days. However, the more i think about it, the more it probably is the time of the month. We did go for a long drive together yesterday and he invited me to go see his mum the day before but there's just something niggling me that something is not right

You're young, you've only been together a few years, he's cheated. It shouldn't be anything but a bed of roses at this stage. Leave him and enjoy your uni days, your youth and your freedom.

I'm a big believer in gut instinct... i don't think we give our intuition enough credit. From experience, I have put aside niggling doubts and later felt the fool when it's turned out various ex's have been up to no good. See how things go over the next few days, but if your feelings persist I wouldn't ignore them

Could it be that you’re not happy in the relationship anymore? That the ‘not right’ is that you don’t want to be with a cheater or someone who wants to move so far away?

sometimes, however much we think we’ve worked through it, when someone has been unfaithful, the doubt never quite leaves.

And (as unpatronisingly as possible), you are young and have a whole new life ahead once you graduate.

Would you stay with him if he did cheat again?
Do you want to stay with someone that you know is capable of betraying you?

LanceStatersGold i have thought about that, whether it's me thinking he's distant from me or whether i'm just getting tired/bored of it all. But i just dont know because then i see him and i just know i'm completely in love with him. He is very helpful to me and if i need something he tries his hardest to give me advice but he doesnt pussyfoot around me either and tells me straight that only i can sort out my problems.

In reference to the cheating - we had a massive argument at the start of the year. He was out every single weekend (i dont go out much, i'm more introverted), sometimes girls were there so i was asking why i was never invited anywhere and he claimed these girls were family and that he didnt invite them, and this resulted in him not speaking for a week, refusing to see me and saying his head is everywhere; then having a late night call off him confessing everything and saying how he's been off lately because he cant get over what he's done but he'll never do it again.

If i found out he ever cheated again, it'd be a definite end to the relationship. I believe in mistakes but he clearly doesnt love me if he can do it again.

I didn’t read past the first affair, kissing another girl and texting his ex’s. All this in a few years! Relationships don’t have to be that difficult and there are plenty of good men out there who wouldn’t do any of that. Time to throw out the trash and move on.

Something hasn't been right from the start.
Why are you putting up with a cheater?
He's cheated at least twice.
He's sexting his Ex's.
Where is your self-worth?
Dump his sorry ass and find someone who is worthy of you.
This lying cheating scumbag is not that person.
Please value yourself more than this.

I’m glad you’ve been thinking about that. Love isn’t always enough - you also need to feel respected, valued, wanted etc.

Do you have a social life, hobbies etc outside of being with him? I find sudden bursts of independence will often make it obvious what you really want.

For what it’s worth, I think at your age, staying with a man capable of that is not the beginnings of a lifelong love story - but I’m happy to be proven wrong. I just couldn’t live always waiting / wondering if he’s going to do it again.

Also, it’s ok if you’ve grown apart. You don’t need a reason to leave if your relationship has run it’s course.

He likes going out every weekend, but you prefer to stay in. Do you trust him when he goes out? That seems important as at 25 its normal to go out a lot and hes entitled to do that, and it could go on for a few years, have a think about how well you can cope with that.

You've posted about this guy before, more than once. My advice is the same now as then. Get shot of him. He's a complete twat. Have you met his friends yet?? Or are they still just taking the piss by poking you on Facebook?

Please, get some self respect and walk away. This is going nowhere.

In the early stages of a relationship, and at your age, everything should be fun and great. You shouldn’t be having to worry about cheating and what’s he’s getting up to when he’s not with you. If you are being paranoid, it’s a direct result of his past dishonest behaviour and do you really want to be with someone you can’t trust?

Honestly, you are so young, you shouldn’t waste your time on someone who’s treated you like this. Move on would be my advice, and enjoy being 23 and at uni.