Can physical attraction develop over time?

[duckeggblue01]

Hi all,
I'm new to mumsnet but I hear you all give good advice, so here goes
I've been in a relationship with a lovely, caring guy for just over a year. He's okay in the bedroom (I've had better, I've had worse!) and is nice to look at. He's 30, I'm 24. He's basically been single, just dated briefly, since he was 24ish and I have pretty much been in relationships since I was 15. I don't mind being single, I am just a relationships kinda girl. Prefer to be with someone than sleeping around!
DP has always been a bit awkward about pda, and it feels like I am having to teach him everything. We have only just moved from cheek to lips kiss when we greet each other, though in our own space we have obvs slept together etc. We don't live together; both still living with our parents and saving separately for moving out.
I don't want to make him uncomfortable and sometimes it feels like he lacks some emotional intelligence . He stayed at mine last night, no cuddles etc, and planned to go home in the morning. I said I'd go to the station with him... and then this morning came.. He just got up out of my bed, got dressed, went to the bathroom and came back. I tried pulling him for a cuddle but he just tapped my hand away and said "come on, let's get ready to go"
There are several other instances of him perhaps just not reading the situation well..
I like his company but this has been such a slow build of a relationship that I wonder if I can only see him platonically.
I don't know what to think - he's so incredibly thoughtful and caring in other ways, I just worry that I am relying on an "i want to rip your clothes off" feeling eventually, hopefully arising..

This is a bit of a brain dump, so I'm sorry if it's not clear. I just feel a bit lost with this one!!

duckegg there is no chemistry is there ?

Dh allways made me laugh, he’d been asking me out for years but he wasn’t ‘my type’ I normally went for gym heads and dh was packing a few pounds. But I eventually gave in and we got in like a house on fire. We had lots of chemistry. Funniest bloke I ever met. I’ve always thought he had a beautiful face.

You need some attraction but you both need chemistry.

He may be gay

@sweetsongbird1
No I don’t think so. Not on my part anyway. I think it’s growing on his side perhaps, but I need it at the start. And I’ve spent so long holding back and not putting pressure on him that I’ve just friendzoned myself I think! 😂
Who knows. He seems to have been a little more attentive recently but he is never consistent with it, so when he is trying it just feels weird.
We have a holiday booked in Sept and I am so unsure of what to do; it’s a lot of money to lose, and I feel like if I break up with him I should offer to pay him the money he lost! But it feels like ages away and I want to nip this in the bud 😬

No, it was part of a gentle and wider discussion about the lack of physicality.
We’d had sex, but it was completely mechanical and he turned me out into the spare room after - when to me one of the best bits is all the cuddling...
the flinching on putting my arms round his waist was the last straw...

Why not have a talk about what’s bothering you, give him chance to up his gane, go on holiday together and make a final decision after.

I was in a relationship like this. That ended when I met someone who’s clothes I did want to rip off.

Thanks, @monstruous. I guess I’ve tried talking to him before being very diplomatic, and maybe he needs to be just told straight.

Yep I couldn’t be in a relationship where there’s no physical affection or sexual chemistry. Some people just aren’t affectionate, it would be hard for him to change that as it’s just his personality- depends whether that’s acceptable to you or not.

I’ve been in a new relationship for about 8 months now- very much in the ‘can’t keep our hands off each other’ stage!