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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

On a break...

13 replies

KangaShoe · 05/08/2018 20:26

I honestly don’t know what to do. My DP and I have been together for around 10 months and recently, it’s been a bit strange - it just hasn’t felt the same as it was when we were first together. When we met, we clicked straightaway and pretty much slipped straight into spending a lot of our time together (including his DD). Over the past couple of weeks he’s said that he doesn’t know it it’s working anymore, and I agree in part as we are doing a lot of bickering. When I asked what he wanted to do he told me he wanted to see how it goes, but then the other day I got fed up of feeling like it was awkward and suggested we took some time apart. He agreed with this, but I’m really missing him. We spoke earlier today and he said he just needs time to work out what he wants and if it’ll still work. I know what I want - us. Part of me thinks why should I wait for him to decide? If he wanted to be with me, he would! But then I’ve been in a similar situation before (except there was someone else involved) and my exP did this then still left so I don’t know if that is clouding my judgement. What do I do? When we’re good, we’re really good - it can be amazing. I don’t want to lose that, but should I hang on for someone who isn’t sure what he wants?

OP posts:

katzeons · 05/08/2018 20:38

Hey hun
Tell him your feelings! I know he wants time to see how things go and he's not sure how he feels and that's ok but it's also putting your life on hold too! My partner use to do this all the time and once our daughter came i put a stop to it! Just tell him you want to be with him, then give yourself a time limit on how long you wanna wait this out for! Hope all goes well for you hun x

jaffacakeany1 · 05/08/2018 20:42

Be clear with him how you feel about him, but also be clear that you're not going to wait forever for him to decide how he feels. Maybe give him a time frame to decide, I don't see why you should waste any more of your PRECIOUS life waiting... you could be meeting your true soul mate. I know that sounds harsh but think of yourself and your long term happiness 🌷

jaffacakeany1 · 05/08/2018 20:44

Katzeons Almost the same advice, it must be true 😁

Melliegrantfirstlady · 05/08/2018 20:44

How long has he been gone?

Thatsfuckingshit · 05/08/2018 20:44

Going through something similar myself. I even had a thread about it yesterday.

Except I told dp he needed time. His ex wife is causing a few issues.

However, I made it clear that I don't know how I will feel he has sorted his head out or if I will still be around.

I love dp, I really do. But as a poster told me, I have too much on without sorting his circus and his monkeys.

It's so bloody hard. I really feel for you.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 05/08/2018 20:45

If you’ve only been together 10 months I’d say the writing is on the wall....

Ryder63 · 05/08/2018 20:48

Ok so he agreed to time apart. So MEAN IT. NO phone calls, texts, FB or anything. Let him miss you. Yes you miss him, but don't give him all the power like this. No contact, go out with friends, do things you enjoy. Do not sit wringing your hands and pining.

It sounds like you were in each others pockets. Spending so much time with him AND his DD so soon after meeting really wasn't the best idea anyway. He may be afraid you want an insta family.

Original poster

KangaShoe · 05/08/2018 20:51

It's only been a few days since we decided - but it really is hard. To go from speaking to someone every day to not at all is really quite difficult! I want to follow your advice and tell him how I'm feeling but then I also feel like that isn't respecting his request for time and I really don't want to push him away.

I would normally agree with you Mellie but we both have issues from previous relationships which I think are affecting how we've been with each other recently.

OP posts:

Original poster

KangaShoe · 05/08/2018 20:54

Oh Ryder it was far from wanting an insta family, believe me. Meeting his daughter so soon wasn't really part of the plan, it just happened. I can't say much because it's very outing but it happened a lot sooner than any of us wanted to. I do agree with the being in each other's pockets part though. I think that's part of the issue - which is also what's making the situation harder. I'm trying not to pine!

OP posts:

dirtybadger · 05/08/2018 21:03

Sounds like it got really intense really quickly

2 options (IMO)

You are now just realising it isnt meant to be. You know each other a bit better now. No shame in that.
It was too much too soon, you need a bit of cooling off time and to step back into it a bit slower so things move at a more sensible pace

Im sure there are other things but those seem the obvious possibilities

SoapOnARoap · 05/08/2018 21:04

To need a break after 10 months, says all you need to know

Original poster

KangaShoe · 06/08/2018 09:58

I definitely think it did get too intense too quickly but everything just felt so right, for both of us.

I’m hoping the writing isn’t on the wall, I know of 2 couples that had a break after such a short time and almost 10 years down the line, they’re still going strong.

OP posts:

katzeons · 06/08/2018 21:10

Everyone's situation is different! Sometimes you need a break to move forward! Like I said before if you're ok with waiting then wait hun but give yourself a time frame so you're not wasting your time! As much as you want to be with him think of yourself also! And if he doesn't want it then sod him! He's loss!

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