Can someone change their personality?

[KateGrey]

I met my DH when I was 20. So we’ve been together a while. I’d come out of a long term relationship that ended badly. On the whole he’s a kind person but he is very arrogant. His opinion where money is concerned trumps mine, he often annoys people including me with his ego and intensity and the feeling that he’s always right and he’s not hugely organised. At times he’ll come out with “I’ll smack that person” he’s mid 30s and I’ve told him how embarrassing it is. We have kids and two have autism so life is quite full on for me as I do all the caring whilst holding down a 20 hour a week job.

The arrogance and the always thinking he knows best is a part of his personality I really don’t like. It doesn’t help that although he gets on with my parents, they find him quite hard work. He just doesn’t come across well.

I’m not perfect by any means and I know people have quirks but he just can’t see that he rubs people up the wrong way.

It's a moot point regarding your H because why would he change if he doesn't acknowledge that there is a problem.

You have to stop basing your decisions on the person you want him to be.

A person definitely can not change, if they have no interest in it.

I do fin it weird though, that you have been together a long time, he has always been like this and yet it's NOW a problem.

I would be pretty pissed off if s long ten partner told me to change my personality, when they chose to have kids with me and marry me. Now they didn't like who I was.

Does he have social comm difficulties himself so can't see why he is wrong, someone else's point of view or that's why he appears bombastic.

May be he was a rebound relationship and only now your seeing that your personalities aren't compatible.

You can't change your personality. You can learn and develop but we still are the same person.

Sounds like a bit of a narcissist if you ask me, google narcissistic personality disorder and see if he ticks any boxes.

People can definitely change if they recognise their own faults and are committed to working on them. But it doesn't sound like he's the one who wants him to change so I wouldn't hold out hope.

Has he ever been assessed for being on the spectrum? Autism has a strong genetic component from what I've heard, so ifar two of your children are ASD, could he be?

I believe personality is definitely more malleable than we are often led to believe, but as others say motivation to want to change needs to be the driver.

I suppose it’s not so much his personality but the way he comes across. It wasn’t as obvious when I first met him and obviously you never know how people will become when they get older and life gets a bit more challenging. Two kids with Sen has made life quite difficult. I often joke to him he should have married a yes person like his mother. I just find some of his ways quite mature. At 20 I didn’t notice it as much because we were still young.

That’s the issue he doesn’t seem to realise he’s doing it. He grew up with a mother who worshipped him and deferred to him for most things (no husband) and I don’t think that’s helped at all.

I feel that he values his opinion over mine. I suppose it’s more my issue than his.

He thinks he’s a great communicator and says he’s different at work to how he is at home. But he is very intense.

No.

I too would suspect he is possibly on the autistic spectrum