I was in a similar situation. I told my husband to seek counselling or I was leaving. He went for counselling. However, it seemed to work but after a short while I realised he was just abusing me differently.
Instead of out and out name calling etc, he started trying to manipulate me and control me.
He would use sentences that I used in Facebook messages to friends. Such as, I message one friend who I worked with and said 'you coming out for a smoke when I get to work'. I vaped, but the friend smoked.
Husband took that to mean I was smoking again. He told me he thought I was smoking again, when I denied it he said so you never meet people 'for a smoke when you get to work'. The exact words I used.
Then, a few days later, he told me he found a receipt for cigs it had fallen out of my coat pocket. I told him I hadn't bought any cigs. He said 'yes you did, you bought milk at the same time' I went and found the receipt and it was for petrol and milk on my way home, I knew the only time I had bought milk that week was when I got petrol. He broke down and cried and I felt awful. Even though I hadn't done anything.
He went from out and out making me feel shit to stalking me. I think counselling made him realise what a shit he had been but he then became convinced I would have an affair, find someone better and leave.
I did leave. Not for someone else. I left and I couldn't be happier.
You can try telling her counselling is a must. And it might work. But be careful she just doesn't change her abuse.
But you can't live like this forever. At some point you need to accept that if she won't accept her abuse is not ok and work to change it, the marriage is over anyway.
Good luck.