DS Injured by new GF dog while with ex am I over reacting

[ponyprincess]

I am just trying to put this in perspective and don't want to over react

Ds is 10 and he spent the last week with dad (acrimonious divorce emotional/physical abuse..dd 14 refuses ro see dad just as a bit of context) separated 2 years

So ds went to spend week with dad-in spite of all dad has never been off with them and ds wanted to go so fine. When he came back he had a big bruise on his face so obviously i asked him. He said Dad's nee gf's dog was there and lunged at him and his teeth hit him before dad pulled him away

I am feeling upset as. Dad sad nothing about this and also of this dog is around worried. I am not anti dog as we have one at home too. This is a "big' rescue dog from his description. I just want to make sure kids are safe but don't want to over et react so interested in opinions

So you've tried to contact ex and he's ignoring you. Inform him that he will not be having contact again until you are satisfied your child isn't in any danger so no reply equals no contact.

I disagree that calling the none emergency police number for advice is a waste of police time. That's what it's there for. Also photographs and GP to log. If you do have to deny contact and he takes it as far as court you need proof of your sons injury.

I suggest you call NSPCC for advice.
It does sound like a very unlikely story and I would want professional advice before discuss it further with DS.
I would also take him to the GP for an opinion about what caused it and to ensure it’s on his medical record in case of any future dispute about contact.
I certainly wouldn’t be allowing contact again, at least not unless I had somehow managed to confirm that it definitely was the dog and the dog would no longer be in the house while my son was there - but given the history of abuse and the fact that he hasn’t told you what happened himself, I don’t think you can trust him to safeguard your son unfortunately.

It is likely the rescue centre stated children had to be either older or no children around the dog if it acts like this. Idk if it was aggression or over excitement. My dd is 10 and she misinterprets excitement for aggression in our dog. He’s only small but is young and feisty. Dd wouldn’t want to live with a larger dog even though she loves dogs.

Your ds is telling you he’s not happy being around the dog. So yes, you need to listen. I do hope it was the dog, not your ex. I agree with informing the police and getting him checked over. Something I’d do if I had my time time again when my brothers dog bit dd as a baby. But hey, I didn’t want to cause ructions. Brother and his wife along with my mother cause enough themselves.

Years ago I had a small dog who bit one of dds friends on her leg through trousers. The skin wasn’t broken but there was a fair size round bruise, so not in the shape of a tooth or anything. I guess a bigger dog would cause a bigger bruise. So just saying it is possible it was caused how he said it was.....if your ex had told ds to make a story up they wouldn’t make a story up like this, surely? They would say he’d fallen over, etc.

But I agree I would not want him returning there. A bite to the face is not good.

If they were playing and it was an open mouth which banged him that’s different. But if your ds says the dog lunged at him it sounds more like aggression.

The rescue people would only have checked out the GF not her new BF and family, but she should have known if the dog wasn't appropriate for younger children.

Either way you need to have a conversation with your ex, not necessarily withdrawing contact yet but you definitely need to know a bit more about dogs background and any advise that GF was given. If ex had to react quickly to prevent something worse you need to discuss what happens going forwards, not in a blaming way just in a lets make sure our DS is safe way. (I know thats never going to come across that way given your past with ex)

I really hope the story is true and it wasn't to cover up something more serious with Ex but agree you must take pictures.

You certainly need to get to the bottom of what happened but I would not jump to conclusions just yet.

I have four dc and over the years they have all received bruises from overexcited playing with our dog. If the dog wanted to bite, your ds would have been bitten.

What does your ds say preceded the collision? Is he saying he was scared or doesn't want to go again?

I've had dogs all my life and I can't imagine how you could manage a bruise in the way you're described. If the dog lunged to bite it's highly unlikely anyone would have been fast enough to grab it it pull back. Dog bites are fast and over before anyone really sees it properly. And if the dog did lunge to bite it's mouth would have been open and you know there would have been a bite mark if contact was made. Something about the story isn't right. Was he playing with the dog and the dog head butted him? You really need the story from an adult as it sounds like your son hasn't quite got it right

I happened to be in a court room recently. An issue came up about a mans dog jumping onto a neighbours child and causing a slight injury. Obviously the neighbour had reported it to the police and it ended up in court. The charge was not being in proper charge of his dog. I was amazed how seriously the judge took it. This is a serious thing to happen to your ds.
Don't let ex fob you off. Get it documented with doctor as a tetanus injection could be called for.

If it was the dog - yes that it possible for it to be bruised without teethmarks, unusual but possible. It is actually an offence under the dangerous dogs act although not one that would be likely to result on formal action (unless there was previous history).
The act states that a dog is dangerous if it causes harm (theres also a bit about apprehension of being harmed but actual injury was caused). If the dog indeed lunged at his face and was stopped by your ex that is extremely concerning behaviour. As you cannot control the environment then I would agree I would not be happy for my child to be there.
Take photos and report to 101, if your local dog warden investigates dog bites you can report to them too. This was a near miss, if it happened as stated then what about next time?
If it wasn't the dog - then reporting to 101 may help the truth come out...

Have seen actual dog bites BTW where the bruising isn't in shape of bite. Might be the dog did a nipping bite through closed teeth (next time it may be more serious, that's a warning shot), that can leave a round bruisr

Thank you for all your advice and points of view this has given me a lot to think about

I agree the event is a bit fuzzy from my son's description. He could have misinterpreted the dog's act and the dog meant to be playful but still he ended up injured and he felt attacked.

To those who suggested just asking ex I have but he is not responding-he basically ignores all messages (and I only about kids) and only gets in touch of he needs something

The idea it was a cover story-I had not thought of that and my instinct thinks no but this has put me on alert

I have taken photos and I am in touch with a police officer anyway about other events with ex (not relating to kids) so I have messaged her to report/ask for advice

I think this is my worry that ex did not say and future times with a potentially dangerous dog. The bruise was right next to his eye.

The lack of communication is also a problem as I will not know if the dog is there or not- ex and gf don't live together so far as I know.

Hopefully the police will have good advice. Just worried about withholding contact as ex will take me to court for anything and even though it has all worked in my favour it is stressful and expensive

Definitely report to police - either dog is dangerous or something else has happened, but YWNBU not to allow your DS to go back.

My kids have hurt themselves playing with our dogs. Bashed heads, etc especially my boy husky whos got the most enormous overbite. Hes never tried to bite anything but has genuinely banged several people with his teeth if theyve got their face near his.

So it could be innocent. How does your son feel? When kids have been raised with a sensible respectful attitude towards animals and what they can do, i tend to find their judgement spot on. If your son is scared of the dog then absolutely no way would i send him back.

Definitely would not send him back without an explanation either, in black and white, not just words in person, as to what exactly happened.

I think the courts would see this as worrying any way if he took you back.

I think your right seeking advice on it as I wouldn’t allow them back especially as he is still refusing to speak to you regarding it

I volunteer with several rescue organisations, and specifically education with kids around interacting with domestic animals. The vast majority of deaths caused by dogs are visiting children. The majority of facial bites are to children aged 7 and under. I would be concerned even if the injury was through over excuberance as over arousal can still lead to bites and catastrophic injury on children who tend to make the dog more and more aroused due to their typical high pitched reactions, etc. A dog can be deemed legally "dangerously out of control" in a home including the owners home. Your ex and/or the new GF would be legally responsible.

A dog bites when it wants, it generally cant be "stopped" from biting. People think theyve stopped it, but they havent. Theyre faster than any intervention. Which is the worrying part, as you have to be proactive not reactive. If the bruise was from a snap with some contact then I would insist the dog was either kept in a seperate room, crated/penned, they started using gates religiously, or the dog was kept on a lead when DC is visiting if the dog has to be there. If you cant trust them to enforce those rules, and it is an injury from the dogs them I wouldnt be very comfortable at all with the risk!!

The injury doesnt sound classic but if there is no more likely explanation, that you have to assume thats what it was

Re a rescue rehoming and stating no DC. Totally depends on the dogs history. Plus lots of "rescue" dogs are rescue dogs. Theyre dogs people bought off someone down the road, that they claim to have "rescued" from "druggies" or whatever. Sorry a bit of digression in that bit, but just pointing out the GF may have not considered the dogs suitability for DC if the previous owner(s) or rescue werent explicit.

I have heard of SS insisting on people rehoming dogs to safeguard kids. Usually in daft situations where it is just ignorance about certain types of dog, let alone with actual evidence of risk....

Something you can do immediately and easily is go through some reading and role play with DC on interacting with dogs safetly. Most bite cases are actually predictable in retrospect and enforcing basic interactiom safety principles can prevent a lot. Not a solution alone though.

Nope. I wouldn’t let him back - i don’t mean to scare you and I know this is rare - but I know someone who’s child was killed by a rescue big dog - please don’t let your son back there unsupervised.

I have a labrador who is the softest and most tender creature I have ever known but he can get a bit overexcited around new people so I will always keep him locked up until I can confirm that the company is comfortable around a large dog and if they are parents that they feel safe with their child around a large dog. He is a big licker and a clumsy oaf so I don't take it for granted that everyone will like that behaviour especially if their child could be knocked over by him if he rushes past (my toddler has been knocked on his bum a few times by our dogs lack of spacial awareness but they are as thick as thieves lol).

I would expect the same consideration from any dog owner and i sure as shit would want to know if my child had been injured accidentally or otherwise in your shoes. The fact that your sons dad isn't responding certainly sounds like avoidance, which doesn't help anyone in the long run.

I am glad your boy is okay and it wasn't more serious. I hope his dad gives you an good explanation and acknowledges that it's not okay and reassures you both it wont happen again

You're not overreacting. Get it recorded by gp, take pictures and your son does not go there again unless a. You're happy with the story and b. There are assurances the dog will not be present.