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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

MIL being a bitch

23 replies

babycow38 · 05/08/2018 01:51

Just got back from a lovely holiday, mucanh needed, oh and me reconnected after a shit couple of months, we really sorted out problems out and came back feeling really close. Got back home and MIL was waiting for us, she has looked after the kids, dogs etc whilst we were away, she went on FB to show us some pics and the profile of the person my oh had a fling with five years ago came up, she then went on to say to my OH sister, " oh look this is * who your brother had a fling with. This was in front of me, i am at a loss to think it was a mistake, she did this deliberately didn't she? She has always been jealous of her son's relationship with me, and we have been together 22 years!

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Original poster

babycow38 · 05/08/2018 01:52

babycow38

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babycow38 · 05/08/2018 01:58

I'm absolutely pissed of with her

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Skittlesandbeer · 05/08/2018 02:06

Don’t give her the satisfaction of reacting to these manipulative jibes.

It really is your OH’s job to deal with this, and surely he’s appalled and angry at her actions? Did he hear her say it?

I wouldn’t let it enter my soul and destroy my new-found connection with OH. But I’d use that connection to shut her peevishness down.

And I’d very quietly but decisively end the childminding. You can’t have this bad a relationship with her but also have her do you huge favours. One or the other. Detach from such regular contact. She’s not doing this stuff by accident.

Original poster

babycow38 · 05/08/2018 02:23

Skittles I don't usually have her looking after the kids, my OH was shocked as was his sister, it was massively awkward, I went quiet and then we just said we were tired after the flight and got into the car and drove home, the problem for me is I think she was having a dig at me , her son my partner really doesn't like her, loads of family angst before I came along, but she really seems to have a problem with me, when we were on the verge of splitting up she was all for her son not reconciling with me, she even tried to get my daughter's to hate their dad, I'm at a loss because I like to see the good in people but i think she needs to be at arms length now, but then I feel guilty because she is my MIL

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Booksareforkids19 · 05/08/2018 03:53

How is she being a bitch when you’re the one excusing your husband’s behavior and showing everyone around that you have no self respect? Your MIL is at least trying to passively point out to you how you’re letting major issues go pat you when they shouldn’t.

Movablefeast · 05/08/2018 04:08

books seriously are you the MIL?

Flightbite · 05/08/2018 06:07

Wow that's right up there in terms of bitchiness! I was all prepared to defend MIL!

I'm afraid i would be going very LC or NC, she sound dangerous.

@Booksareforkids19 I think your comments were totally uncalled for and nasty. OP has decided to move forward with her DH and MIL should respect that and so should you.

RabbitsAreTasty · 05/08/2018 06:45

I don't get what you are so upset about. MIL showed you photos on FB, FB happened to pop up your partner's OW profile, MIL makes an exclamation of surprise. So?

Flightbite · 05/08/2018 06:51

@RabbitsAreTasty would it not have been better to just close it down? Not say look it who your OH had a fling with? Why say that?

Coyoacan · 05/08/2018 07:05

She tried to get your dds to hate their dad?

Keep that poison out of your lives.

beingthere · 05/08/2018 07:26

This is exactly the sort of thing my MIL does. We have stopped having anything to do with her now. Your husband doesn’t like her much, don’t see her. I don’t understand your guilt because she is your MIL. She hurts your children. Don’t see her.

Original poster

babycow38 · 13/08/2018 02:53

Thanks for the support X and for the non support 😶 I have gone n/c because that's what works for me and my family at the moment, we have worked hard to get over our problems, we have both worked together and decided we want to be a couple, we had a lovely holiday, MIL hasn't liked me from the get go, twenty one years in she would love vus to break up,why? I'm not sure, her marriage broke up because she cheated, my OH dad went on to have s happy marriage, perhaps that's it, but I'm definitely not going to have her break up my family

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Original poster

babycow38 · 13/08/2018 03:05

And my addressing my relationship has been done, I don't need to address that here, that is not what I was asking. We were and are very happy and MIL chose to bring up a very unhappy time in our lives, five years ago! That's why I questioned going NC

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raspberrysplit · 13/08/2018 03:07

Don’t take it personally, it actually sounds to me more like she has a toxic relationship with your oh than a problem with you. (He’s the one who did wrong and whilst obviously it will hurt you too, it’s him she’s shaming. And trying to get your dd’s to hate their own Dad again sounds like she wants to hurt him)

Anyway well done for going NC. Hope you and your oh are still feeling close and things are better without your mil.

Original poster

babycow38 · 13/08/2018 03:16

Thank you Raspberry, I do think that's the crux of the matter, my OH hates her as he has always said she was a crap mum, going to the pub at tea time, not being there for him and I think because we have brought up two lovely kids, been together 22 years and weathered problems but still want to be together I think she hates it, she is a very bitter woman

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Broussard · 13/08/2018 04:10

She looked after your kids when you went on holiday but you went nc over a comment?

you have some messed up priorities!

Calidream · 13/08/2018 06:37

Broussard what is happening in your life that you are being so unkind?

Mousetolioness · 13/08/2018 13:22

MIL's comment was uncalled for regardless of whether she'd been childminding.

Powerless · 13/08/2018 13:28

I'm struggling to understand what you mean by "she was waiting for us" when you say she was looking after your children? Where did you expect her to be?

You don't sound very grateful for her providing childcare whilst you swan off on holiday leaving your kids behind!

hellsbellsmelons · 13/08/2018 14:28

Well done on going NC OP.
You've put up with years of this crap and life it just too bloody short.

If by some slim chance something like this happens again,
'Well MIL, I have no idea what your DSon was thinking. But then after the upbringing he had, it was hardly a shock now was it. Oooopppss... sorry, look who I'm saying this to. Please ignore that last comment, I didn't mean any harm by it'

HotblackDesiatoto · 13/08/2018 15:45

Seriously, OP hates her MIL and she's such a bitch, up until the point where she wants days and days of free babysitting?

Would you go on holiday and leave your children with a woman you think is that awful, and then conveniently go NC after you get back rather than before?

Gemini69 · 13/08/2018 16:07

what did your Husband say or do... when she produced the FB of this OW OP ? I'm struggling to see how this 'event' slipped by and nobody challenged your MIL on it

Original poster

babycow38 · 21/08/2018 22:54

We just ignored it love, I'm still a bit ? About the comments I was using her for a babysitter!!! Just to update me and OH are fine, we are going to see MIL in October half term and have put it behind us as MIL doing her usual stirring self
We hope to have a great time but if she starts again we have the skills to shut her down now, thanks Mumsnet guys who replied and gave us sound advice xxx

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