DH and I have bad communication

[Beba11]

Sounds blunt but this really upsets me. I love DH, he is a fantastic dad, extremely hard working, generous and giving but we have really bad communication and I have no idea why. We seem to be always sniping at one another and I find it difficult to have a normal conversation with him. He is always joking, or talking in riddles/games and trying to get a reaction from me and I just find it exhausting most of the time. There is a lot of sarcasm and also aggressive language involved. If it is not like this then it is quite cold and blunt. There doesn't seem to be any warmth or affection in the way we talk and I am guilty too. He always accuses me of being frigid which I admit to but tbh it's our communication that has made me like this to an extent. The only times we seem to have amazing communication is if we are out to dinner or having a drink, just the two of us away from our relatives and children, but this doesn't happen often. I just find it hard work and depressing.

He accuses you of being frigid?

Yes he does often, sometimes seriously and sometimes as a joke. He often jokes that he will find a mistress, but I know it's just a joke

He doesn’t sound very kind.

Have you tried asking him not to speak to you like that. Have you explained that it’s hugely hurtful.

When was the last time you had a weekend on your own together, since the dcs were born?

I do say it's hurtful but he doesn't really understand. He is a wonderful provider, father and can be very caring. He just talks really blunt and aggressive at times. We argue a lot. I feel like we bring out the worst in eachother. We haven't had a weekend together since before the kids were born!