Cheated on, how do I stop feeling worthless?

[Cardi0307]

A few weeks ago I moved in with my boyfriend. Things have been going brilliantly. Amazingly actually. I’m only 18 so moving in with him was a massive deal for me.
This morning he arrived home at about 7am(he’d been out with friends) and he went for a shower. He left his phone unlocked. He never leaves it behind normally, he’s so incredibly protective over his laptop and phone. So I went through the phone. Only briefly. I had a funny feeling in my gut in regards to one of his friends so I wanted to see the messages between them. In the messages he sent a message to her of a draft of a message to a girl. I then found the messages between him and that girl. They’d slept together a month ago, and there was sexts between them up to a week ago.
I just don’t know what to do. I keep finding myself changing my mind in regards to what to do. Revenge?ignore him? Forgive him?
I just feel so angry, frustrated and upset to the point I don’t feel like me anymore. I feel so weird, like I’m not in my body, like I’m just watching what’s going on with no control over what happens.
I feel broken
(Not only do I live with him I work for his dad in a pub and we live above that pub)

Didn't want to read and run. You walk away from this dirtbag. Are you able to move home for a while before finding alternative accommodation?
Try not to think about revenge even though he's been an utter shit. Pack your things and go. No one deserves to be treated like this. Forgiving is not an option IMO.

He’s obviously not mature enough for an exclusive relationship. Separating should be your only option. It may take him years to settle with one person and not be a serial dater.

Keep your dignity if you can. Agree that he does not sound ready for a proper relationship - and he is not even mature enough to realise that he should be honest about that.

If you were my daughter I'd go round and collect your stuff for you myself, then take you to the doctor's for a checkup :( Have you got any real life support; family/friends? Where were you living before, could you move back?

Sorry but at 18 or early 20s most guys are not mature or even thinking of babies or marriage
...relationship at this age needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.

How old is this guy, OP?

I doubt Cardi is thinking of babies or marriage yet, either. Being honest and not cheating on your live-in partner is not connected to babies and marriage.

OP - you get your confidence back by leaving and getting a life separate from him and his dad.

Really - at 18 - it’s way too early to he feeling this way. And moving in with anyone, as well.

I moved originally because of my mothers narsisistic behaviour and her love for alcohol. And because of my dads inability to defend me from her.
He’s 23. An age gap I know but one that did work.

Sorry this has happened to you OP. It sounds abit more complicated as you work for his dad. Is going home to your parents not an option even if it's temporary.
My advice is to obviously end it. I was in a bad relationship when I was your age i was in it for for too long. However my best revenge was to leave and never look back.
If you are worried about being homeless as hard as it might be maybe get yourself sorted before you say anything. (Find a new job/new place to live) Then pack your bags and go you deserve better.

Difficult situation, but how would it even work if you stayed with him? You are not going to want to sleep in a bed with him now, are you?
Would your dad give you any financial help if you found a flatshare or something? Have you got a job? Any friends who could help in the short term?

Also look into other options:
www.themix.org.uk/housing/housing-problems/help-im-being-kicked-out-of-home-8064.html

Hardly surprising you are feeling a bit panicky, in any case. You must have thought you'd made a lucky escape from home, :(
Don't feel like you have to get by without help. There are systems out there specifically designed for people in your position, and you deserve help.

OP - you moved from one disfunctional situation to another.
Don’t stay there - will only make it all worse over time.

Hard as it is - you are an adult now, and will eventually need to rely on yourself. Think about the rest of your life - education, work, etc.
And start with small steps.
Leaving this bf is that.

I have a job, but I work for his dad. And going home is never going to be an option. Even if I could I would never ever want to.
I’ve been applying for new jobs before I even found out about this but I’m starting a law degree in September at a local uni

I didn’t get the chance to read further back through the messages between him and this girl. I only saw the most recent messages discussing sleeping with each other. Am I justified in asking to go through his phone?

Don’t stay with him, you’re 18. You’ve got years ahead of you. Leave and don’t look back. Is there really no accomodation at uni? Have you a friend or other relative you can stay with? Don’t stay with him because it’s a better option than going home. Neither is a positive situation.

Contact the uni and see if they have anything. Explain you are likely to become homeless before September and see what they can do?? Definitely worth a punt I'd say!

As going home isn't an option.... I'd actually attempt an amicable break up and see about paying rent to continue living there.

I wouldn't tell him you know about the cheating or he could get nasty. Id just try and frame it as your head isn't in the right place for a relationship .but you'd like to remain as friends.

Agree with PP - speak to uni. They will be able to put you in touch with local landlords who rent to students. It's time you kicked this disgusting loser to the kerb and started having some fun.

You will be able to apply for a loan through student finance to pay for rent, and can get another job to supplement your income.

I promise you will look back on this and see it as a lucky escape.

You've only been together a short while, he's already treating you badly. Why bother going through the phone. You already know he's a cheat a a liar, why bother? You're young and intelligent with a great future ahead, work on finding something else accommodation wise and moving forward. This guy is not the one, train yourself to expect better.

Am I justified in asking to go through his phone?
What would be the point? Isn't what you know already enough? Where do you set the bar, exactly? One other sexual partner besides you is OK but two would be too many?

It's crap that this didn't work out as you hoped. You must have thought it was the ideal way to get away from home, and now you're reluctant to drop him because you'll lose the good arrangement. But living with someone you know is sleeping around will do your head in. It's bad enough being treated like this - but surely even worse if you just let him, as if that is all you are worth?

Of course you can't go home, but there are other options, see above. Get your act together and look for accommodation. September isn't far away. There will be other students looking for one final person for their flatshare; people are often needed last minute.

Excellent that you're taking a law degree! Take out the full student loan & rent a room in the private sector. Move on from this boy & enjoy having full power & control over your own life!