Hi, don't know why I am posting. Just to get it all down and out of my head, but it's all so clichè.
I left abusive exh, 12 months ago. Just finally got my own place, kids are settled. I should be happy.
Except about 8 months ago I met a man who had recently left his wife. We had a casual thing for a bit. But we became really close and became a couple about 4 months ago. The last few months have been amazing, we both have our own place so have lots of space and spend a lot of time together when my kids are with their dad.
The kids have met him in passing as he is a relative of my best friend, so have seen him when we have visited her house and he has been there. But they are unaware that we are a couple or even that we see each other, apart from at my best friends.
All was going well. It was the right speed for me. No rushing to get involved with the kids or talking about moving etc But committed.
Then his ex wife text him while I was at his. She said that she knew he was seeing someone and if she found out who it was, she would 'rip her fucking head off'. It didn't scare me tbh, but I was shocked when he showed me the texts as they were coming through. But it changed him. He started withdrawing and said he had seen her attack people before and was worried for my safety. It's since come out that she attacked him on 3 occasions. A few months ago, her eldest son told my best friend that she had been charged by police after attacking someone in the town near her. So the threat is credible. I didn't report it to the police as his request, because he said she was just hurting.
She has text him things like this before. Every few months, she sends abuse.
It really bothered me that he let her change our relationship and him withdrawing really hurt me. I see it as, we can't move forward. Because Every time she texts, he withdraws through fear. Or he still has feelings for her and seeing her upset that he is with someone else makes him feel guilty.
So I ended it with him. Told him to take some time to sort his feelings. That if he wants to be with me, that he has to disengage from her and not let her impact our relationship so much. I have told him that he might just need more time and that our relationship might just have come too soon, after him leaving his wife. I suggested counselling, but don't think he will. I know he doesn't want to be with her, but also know he feels guilty for leaving her. I have told him that he contact me in a few months when he has worked through these things. But I can't promise how I will feel then.
He has no need to be in contact with her as they don't have kids together, although he considers her kids to be his. But they are all 20 years old and upwards and they don't speak to her after several fallings out over the last few years.
I know it's the right decision. But I am sad. I miss him, but figure that missing him is less painful that having him withdraw Every time she gets in touch. I know I will be worried Every time his phones goes off. I can't live like that. I am just sad it's over and we couldn't work through it. It's for the best.
I suppose I am looking for someone to tell me that it will be ok. That I will get past this and will find some happiness one day.
Thanks for reading.