I’m also still friends with abuser

[Poppyseed80]

Hi
I just read someone else’s post about being friends with abuser and that is also me. Anyfuckers posts really made sense but I feel trapped.

My abuser is my ex, the father of our son. He did some really awful things to me and I ended up a sad and broken mess but now he is my only ‘friend’. I have tried to cut friendship off but he always worms his way back in. He has a very good relationship with our son although I sometimes wonder if it’s really genuine. I feel I can’t escape him because of that tie, and it’s nicer for my son if things are amicable. I have no family or friends for support. I have a job so I’m financially independent as such but he helps me out in loads of practical ways with house, garden car etc, I could not do this myself or afford to pay for it and I think what’s the point of making my life harder just to make a point.
I am not who I used to be, I used to be optimistic and like meeting new people, now I mainly stay in the house. I have no real self confidence or self esteem I used to be size 10 and fit going to gym, I’m now a size 18/20 and get out of breath if I run at all. I’m on high dose antidepressants and I feel like I only just manage life, it’s only my son that gives me a sense of purpose for soldiering on. I hate it that I’m like this but don’t know how to get out of this rut. He must like it that he has the upper hand all the time.
Any practical advice would be welcome

I think the only way to break free is to only speak regarding your son. He's abusive so him doing all this is only for his benefit and control. Try and cut contact I know it's hard. Maybe start doing things you enjoy again little by little and regain some of your self without him around. You'll never be able to move on with him there

Before you got with this abuser, did you have friends? Did you have family you were close to?

Hi thanks for taking time to reply.
My family have always been abusive/useless which probably made me an easy target to begin with. I did have friends (not loads but some) but I was with him for 11 years and so most of the friendships dwindled off really. One of my close friends moved away we are still in touch and meet up a couple times of year but it doesn’t change my life on a week to week basis if that makes sense.
He was relentless in wanting to break me, he was abusive whilst we were together, when he left me I was strong and looking forward to life without him, I guess it made him angry as for the next two years he did everything he could he was so manipulative I couldn’t see it at the time. At the time I had two friends that were good support - one I was friends with for 7 years but I found out they had been lying and stealing from me and they weren’t even sorry. The other friend found a partner and never really saw her since. So when I was actually friendless was when he abused me the worst but it wasn’t his fault I was friendless i clearly just have very poor judgement.
I don’t know how to cut myself off from him I wish I did 😢

Have you had any therapy?

I think it'll make all the difference having someone in your corner. It's amazing what a boost it is - quite quickly, too.

He is a predator, crouching there to gobble up your life. He's one sick individual.

Have you done the Freedom Programme? Please do, as soon as possible. Look on their site for courses near you, email the facilitator, go. It will change your life and give you the boost you need. You'll also meet others in the same, or similar, position - there's nothing like the camaraderie you get.

You absolutely do qualify for the Freedom Programme in case you're wondering.

Do this for your boy. You can do it lovely 🌸