Spicing things up following loss of libido - ideas?

[bollygirl]

I’m looking for suggestions, either specific ideas or activities, that I can consider to spice up my sex life.

I lost my libido following use of hormonal contraceptive and want to try and spice things up and satisfy my DH.

Have been helped by a great thread started by @polly83 and also by @northernsara re contraceptives, but now need MN wisdom here!! Xx

What about dressing up? Or just trying to spice up foreplay? It could be simple things like kissing and touching each other’s bodies to start the intimacy flowing again?

Female libido is a funny old thing. I saw a TED talk once saying sometimes you should take the 'Nike' approach and just do it! The usual disclaimers apply in that you should never feel pressured into it but if its a general case of cba as opposed to actively not wanting to then sometimes it helps to get on with it.
As for spicing things up there is plenty of info on the internet! I am always wary of sharing things like this with random people on the internet and feel others should be too

Well done Bollygirl for getting to grips with the situation. Speaking as what I would class myself as a 'normal bloke'.
Stockings and suspenders and fairly long skirt/dress. Take your lucky husband/partner out for a meal and let him know early on what you are wearing by giving him a sneaky peak somehow or ask him to discreetly rub his hand along your thigh.
Be happy, smile alot and fun...................It would work for me......Best of luck

I love role play! Why don't you pretend you don't know each other and then "get to know each other"!!!

@mark797 your post sounds like a suitable suggestion if the OP had said her partner is suffering a loss of libido, maybe not as effective in her situation.

To the OP: I agree with the poster who mentioned the "just do it" strategy. Obvs, don't have sex when you actively don't want to, but if you're just feeling tired/disinterested/like the thought of removing your pyjamas bottoms is too much effort, I think you just need to go for it. I don't have a massive sex drive and never think to myself "ooh, I fancy a right good sesh tonight", but 9/10 I get in to it and enjoy it once we start. Actually, 10/10 times, I'd say.

I think you need to start having sex to want it, if that makes sense? A bit like when I started going to the gym. Hated it at first and it felt like such an effort, but sticking at doing it consistently 3 times a week for a few months, and all of a sudden you start wanting to go and actually miss it if you can't. I even look forward to it now.

I'm not sure you need to worry about spicing things up just yet, unless that's What revs your engine. I would focus on getting back on the horse and then think about teaching it to show jump

@bollygirl @polly83 @mark797 @crunchie2008 @theexamstartsnow

I've been away with DH and DC, but since I was one of the causes of this post I thought I should reply!

I won't go into all the previous posts on a different thread, but in summary I shared my thoughts having needed to engage my DH but never having been "up" for much. TBH, I was always embarrassed and self conscious for some reason.

I can't recommend more the idea of just going for it... and kinda exposing yourself and trusting your DH. That's why I did and it worked.

• I suggested we try the karma sutra, which gave a fun thing for us to research together and feel relaxed together. Some positions are fun... others I'm definitely too old for!

• I sent DH some naked photos of me - I was terrified the first time I did, but he loved them... and it made me feel so excited

• I masturbated in front of him. No toys at first, but have got one now. All simple stuff, but it showed my DH that I wanted to make the effort to try new things. I now realise that I benefit from it all too.

@Northersara................................well done, I'm impressed you made the effort and tackled the issue. You have a lucky husband!

First of all: your satisfaction is equally important. No point doing anything that doesn't get your juices flowing!

I was in the same boat a few years back, except I was single and it was following sexual assault and domestic violence. My goal was to find my own sexuality.

So on advice from a friend, I chose something sexy for myself. I wore it under my usual clothes. Wore it to bed and caught myself in the mirror and was surprised to see this sexual person looking back.
I looked up sexy stories that I thought might interest me. Plots I liked the look of. I read these stories to myself and enjoyed the sensations I felt.

I slowly got to know myself physically and learned to love my body again. Only then I felt I was ready to share myself with someone else.

Not long after that, I met the love of my life and we have an incredible sex life. He knows my past and we have taken this journey together.

My advice is, do this for yourself. Start with yourself and the rest will flow in ways you never imagined!