Arguing with DH very regularly

[Pooshy]

It feels like me and DH argue way too much. Tonight we are ignoring each other. Same last night. Well make up from one thing and then find something else to fall out the next day

The things we bicker about are insignificant. Tonight it was about packing the car to go on holiday. Yesterday, I can't even remember what it was about but nothing important

The thing that gets me is that I feel he is the source of most fall outs. He's a very emotional and irritable person, he's always annoyed about something. We have two small kids and our toddler winds him up as well

I'm not perfect but I'm very chilled out, I'm really not the argumentative type but I get a bit tired of him flying off the handle about this it that. I've never been one to argue with one sibling or boyfriend....until now!

Earlier he lost it as our toddler spilled some water on his T shirt. It's 32 degrees so who cares about some water on your clothes

Is it me or is it him? I feel we are mismatched

Has it always been like this or is it something that just happened with time?

I'd say it's definitely getting by worse with time. We have small kids but they aren't stressful and we get enough sleep so I can't put it down to that sadly

Is there something in his life that stresses him? Possible my issues? Doesn‘t do drugs, does he? Is there something that has changed in your life’s apart from having children? Have you discussed it with him?

Ignore what starts the arguments - what do they end up being about?

Most common issues in couples according to relate

Money
Division of labour
Relatives' behaviour

What's the common denominator?

No, he's just always been an annoyed person. Driving for example, he's always getting annoyed with other drivers, even when it doesn't affect him. Even if he's a pedestrian!

Graphista that's interesting. Div of labour if anything

Then that's what needs discussed at a time when you're both calm and tempers least likely to flare.

Is one of you feeling taken for granted? Or both?

My exH was like that and he’s just got worse over time The more comfortable he became with me the more he allowed himself to use me as a verbal punchbag I think the real person I saw coming out. My ex said it was stress but taking it out on me was his only coping mechanisms. You’ll cme to hate him if he carries on like this

I have exactly the same experienced as @birdonawire1

The more comfortable they become the more they moan and argue back. I remain with my husband. You have to break the cycle.

From my experience I have now learned to totally ignore my husband. We would argue about what the kids were wearing, for example. Now if he doesn't like it then I say sure, change them if you prefer. Weirdly, he can't be arsed, so he concedes defeat. I am not his skivvy or emotional punchbag.

Next up, when he tells me to pack the car a certain way, I say to do it himself. I do not engage. But if it doesn't effect him, say for example, he doesn't like what I am doing... I turn round and tell him to mind his own business. Then I walk away. I ignore his moods. I carry on with my life. And this is the only thing that has worked. Point blank.

Truth it, my DH is a bully. But it only takes a few times to show a bully it's not worth it. You just have to have really firm boundaries, which is kind of sad but has kept my marriage intact.

Replying to whatwouldkeithrichardsdo My exH would always criticise what I did. He never did gardening, housework, decorating or childcare. Yet always would criticise me... I would have painted that xyz, I want continuous colour in the garden, you should do it like this... and on and on. At first this would upset me until one day I was talking about it to his brother and he said he was a bully at school, and I should just say ....if you want it doing xyz, then do it yourself.... worked a treat!

It is normal'ish for some irritation between a couple but it is the reaction/subsequent begaviour that causes the long-term damage.

I.e Water on his t-shirt, he was annoyed, what was his reaction? Did he blame you, vent at you? Why are you not speaking afterwards?

It is the blaming, angry venting and silent treatment that is the problem.
Try not to engage, don't react but analyse his behaviour, "observe don't absorb".
Unwarranted anger comes from entitlement thinking, "this should not happen to me, I should not have to put up with this"

Is he open to communication about his behaviour when calm? Does he ever sincerely apologise?