Getting your ducks in a row

[Duckherding]

Hi, I have nc for this and I am asking for a friend.

She wants to split from her husband they have one DC (5). He has crossed so many lines that can not be uncrossed.

I've told her she needs to get her ducks in a row, obviously stolen from MN! Does anyone have a list for getting those ducks in a row ?

I have:

1. Documentation (marriage certificate, passports)
2. See a solicitor

Please help me find/ make a good list!

Keen to know! This is one of those mysterious mumsnet things I’ve been wondering about ... what does it mean?

For what it’s worth when I left an abusive relationship I grabbed passport and purse and a folder of random paperwork...

I gave it like gospel advice without knowing details.

She's also working out what to say, she is going to make sure DC is out, but he can be aggressive and she's worried about it.

Glad you got out CBeebies, must have taken guts to do that !

Anything legally or "informally" shared, getting information on and where possible copies of relevant paperwork.
Include bank accounts / mortgage / credit cards etc ... potentially even running a credit check on your names & address to check for any financial commitment you're not aware of.

The phrase is used to mean get all your paperwork / money / personal affairs in order BEFORE you make any big decisions, so that you know the actual position (mainly financial) now.

Thank you drquin

Does anyone have any advise on the telling? I'm going to take DC out with mine.

Phrasing? Should I go back and check all is ok at a certain time assuming she would want me to or just wait for a call ?

Finances. Records of as many accounts as she can find. Lock down her own accounts if there's been any card sharing. Make sure she has access to cash if accounts are joint.

Thank you @PickAChew

If he's abusive, she might be better telling him in a public place or better yet, just leaving.

Work out which friends are loyal to her and will form a support network, put an overnight bag in the car in case she/ dc have to leave in a hurry. Make sure she has somewhere to go if necessary. Change all passwords on social media, savings accounts etc.

If renting, think about rent agreement.

Passport / birth certs copied / safely stored.

Check benefit entitlement.

Copy precious photos that could get ripped up.

Pack an overnight bag ready to go stay with a friend if things turn nasty.

Make sure he can’t empty out a bank account leaving her with nothing.

Stash some cash somewhere should he close joint accounts.

Make sure car has at least half a tank of fuel for a quick getaway.

Write down important phone numbers in case he takes / damages her phone.

Money - make sure she's got her own current account and take out half of what's in all shared accounts.

My ex left the country and took all of the money out of all out of shared accounts leaving me and our 1 year old with nothing!

good list above. In addition:

If he's abusive collect as much evidence of any abusive controlling behaviour ie texts or emails as possible. This will be useful in any court case around their child.

Thank you all, she is worried about 'losing' the house as it will be 50/50.

I've told her my opinion is that she can get another you don't get time back