Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not even a card for my birthday.

11 replies

hellosausage · 03/08/2018 08:43

Just to make it clear this is not at all about the money but lack of thought!

I've been with my bf/dp (don't know which to use!) for nearly 8 months. In that time we've had Xmas (met just before) valentines, his bday and now this week mine.

He brought me a small gift for xmas (saw each other boxing day relevant why I add this further down ) I didn't get him one, as we'd been seeing each other for about 3 weeks and hadn't even discussed it. Valentines he stayed over the night before we gave each other a card the next day, didn't discuss if we were going to both just did it of our own choice . His birthday I booked a long weekend off (both had a childfree weekend) i got him a small gift when we went out shopping a few days before , another on the day itself as well as taking him out for dinner, card, small cake.

It has been my birthday this week, he mentioned a while back about getting me something and I did the usual you don't have to get me anything. He said he wanted to despite me knowing he doesn't really do birthdays. Anyway it turned out due to work arrangements I couldnt see him on my bday as originally planned, no set plans as to what we were doing, but I was going to go to his. No plans to re arrange were done and it seemed we were set to go Sunday just gone til this Saturday without seeing each other. I told him on monday i was a bit hurt he didnt think to see me at all before this weekend as it was my birthday, we sometimes see each other mid week, to which he was a bit surprised (maybe I needed to spell it out) so he came round last night and took me and my two dc out for tea, in his words to make up for it. BUT he didnt get me a card or present. The present I'm not hugely bothered about, neither of us have loads of money, but I did kind of expect a card at least. He gave me one from his parents at the weekend with a gift card in which was very sweet as I've only met them on 4 occasions and he must have told them I had a bday coming up. The only reason I can think of is that because I didn't see him on the day itself he's thought there's no need, but then i think about Xmas and how he got me a gift despite not being together on the day?!

It's just thrown me a bit and left me a bit Hmm

For context, he makes me feel incredibly happy and loved. He has brought me flowers on several occasions just because. On 2 occasions when I've had a bad at work he's driven over 20 miles on his day off just to see me on my lunch hour, so he's not completely devoid of sentiment, but no card??

I feel rediculous for even saying how it's made me upset. I don't want to sound like a spoilt princess, and he has said before he doesnt like the whole "being forced to buy card's" but still. Do I mention it to him or do I keep schtum?

OP posts:
pog100 · 03/08/2018 09:07

In this case OP, I think you are being a bit over the top about the card itself. He seems to put himself out to be nice to you on occasions, the birthday was, eventually, marked and you got a card and gift from his parents. Sounds fine to me. It doesn't invalidate your feelings but I don't think this is one to make a fuss of.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 03/08/2018 09:29

"I did the usual you don't have to get me anything" ...so he didn't, and now you're upset! Talk about mixed messages!

If you don't mean it, don't say it! How is he supposed to know it was code for "I totally expect you to get me something for my birthday!"

Yes, keep schtum. You are in the wrong and being silly about it!

Chippyway · 03/08/2018 09:41

I can understand why you’re upset. Not the end of the world, but I do understand. However you told him not to worry about getting you anything - if you wanted something you should never have said that

I’d let this one go. I wouldn’t bring it up, it really isn’t worth the agro

hellosausage · 03/08/2018 10:09

Thank you, I knew I was being a dick Blush
I've been suffering terribly with anxiety surrounding work and I couldn't decide if I was justified in being upset or whether the anxiety has been screwing with my feelings!

OP posts:
Anonymumm · 03/08/2018 10:17

I think you are reading a lot into this, a card, is a card at the end of the day - look at all the other things he's done, and does for you.

I get the sentiment thing, but actions speak louder than words, and I think he sounds like a keeper - don't let a card be the be all and end all.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/08/2018 10:27

I did the usual you don't have to get me anything

he has said before he doesnt like the whole "being forced to buy card's"

I'm not sure why you're surprised he didn't buy you a card. But he took you and DC out for a meal? I think YABVU.

kikashi · 03/08/2018 10:48

He took your Dc and you out for tea - that's his gift. Maybe he just isn't into cards and thinks as the day itself had passed it wasn't necessary.

bethy15 · 03/08/2018 11:03

TBH he did tell you he didn't do birthdays and you told him not to bother.

I understand you being a bit hurt, but sometimes there can feel like a time limit, and if you see someone quite a while afterwards it can feel odd or a little rude to give them a card so late. I don't think your Christmas point stands, Boxing Day is still Christmas, a lot of families celebrate as if it were Christmas Day. It's not over on the 26th December.

He took you all for a nice meal and you say he makes you feel happy and loved, and even travelled that far just because you was having a bad day.
Don't let tiny little thing, a little piece of card ruin anything.

sparklequeen18 · 03/08/2018 12:06

You're not being unreasonable AT ALL. I think it's SO normal to feel upset that he didn't get you a card, it's a card... There is no excuse, they're not expensive and it takes five minutes to call into a shop. I do think that maybe he just didn't think it would upset you, maybe he just thought that because it's minor to him that you would think the same.
I think that the best thing to do is address this with him directly, just explain that it has upset you and whilst he might not be bothered about birthday cards, you are. It's still a new relationship and you'll both still be learning about each other. I'm terrible for making things much bigger than they actually have to be and I think if you addressed this with him, you'll be able to see from his reaction whether he did it on purpose or not. Remember - men are clueless!

Good luck xxx

Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 12:49

Yeah I think maybe you're being a bit unreasonable OP

SoapOnARoap · 03/08/2018 14:12

YABU on this one OP

New posts on this thread. Refresh page