Good dad or OTT?

[sugarcoated]

I've been talking to a bloke online for around 4 months, we have met a few times recently for drinks and a meal and he seems like a nice bloke.

He has two kids from a previous marriage however, this is the first time I've had to deal with "step kids" so I'm not sure if its just me or what but I'm not sure I can 'deal with it', they go and stay with him every weekend which means he never has weekends to himself and we both work during the week so can't do anything then either and he also has his kids every tuesday night so they can go and play pool or something, the majority of his money goes on them even though he already pays a set ammount of maintanance, he talks about them non stop and constantly sends me photos of them. Don't get me wrong, its nice that he's so hands on but I fear that he litrally has nothing else on his mind but the kids.

Another thing I can't quite get my head around is that one of them is 18 yet he's still treat exactly the same as the 13 year old, for instance he still goes to his dads for the weekend, he goes to the seaside with them, mess around in joke shops etc...I've never known an 18 year old act like this...

Be honest, is it just me with the problem here? would this be too much for anyone else?

(yes I have kids but I also have a lot of other stuff in my mind!)

Would worry me slightly too TBH.. an 18yr old bloke happy to be treated like a daddy's boy??

sounds like a great Dad to me. He might not really be ready for a serious relationship, tho. Just because he's a great guy doesn't mean he's right for you, at this moment. you know?

But if you're in no rush, I think he sounds lovely and responsible.

He is what he is. Take it or leave it.
If you want him to change so that you will find him more palatable/accessable, then yes you are the one with the problem. There certainly doesn't sound like theres anything wrong with him...he's a good dad....that just doesn't suit you.
Move on.

I cannot comment on how I would feel about it, as not in that position.

But coming from someone who didn't see her dad all that much growing up, I think it is wonderful that he & his kids are so close & it speaks volumns to me that the 18 yr old is still doing all that stuff with him.

he sounds like a good dad to me

that means that the mum has them mon, wed, thur and fri night and that's all?

TBH it would annoy me loads.

Pure speculation but could it be guilt at having broken up with their mum? My step-dad was a little bit like that (although his sons were very young) and it was because he felt so awful for leaving.

some 18 years olds are not as mature and adult like as others , maybe the 18 year old likes seeing his Dad, some 30 year old would still find joke shops funny also, 30 year old men I mean.

Also he probably had no one else he can talk to about his kids.

But if it is too much i would back out now before the guy gets too atached to you

I don't think the 18yo sounds strange at all.
He doesn't see his dad except at weekends, and they have to do stuff that's age appropriate for a 13yo.
It's a testement to this man that his son wants to spend time with him.
I think that obviously the kids are the most important thing in this mans life, and there's nothing wrong with that, especially as his time with them is limited.

it could also be the the 18 year old is not very rebellious, so does nto have any problem with seeing his Dad and going to the seaside as he knows that the 13 year old will enjoy it, it could be that he is more mature not less even, I mean if the dad wants to take the 13 year places he would like it would be not so good if the 18 year moaned the whole time adn found it embarassing , that would be a type of immaturity . So it is up too you if the kids are too much for you with yor own kids and life to deal with scale down the dates and let him go gently

i think he sounds like good dad and dont think 18 year old sounds odd.

i think it's great that he loves spending time with them.
perhaps the older boy likes to be with them. It is his dad, and maybe he loves his little brother. I don't think there's anything wierd.
Perhaps they are all he has, now he has you see if he will set some of that time aside for you before you dismiss him. Maybe he was lonely.

Sorry but you sound a bit judgmental.

It would be more inappropriate to take a 13 yo to do 18 yo things than the other way around. He must be a great dad that his 18 yo still wants to goof off in a joke shop with his dad and little bro, I think it's a good thing.

If it was my DH and DD's I would expect the DD's even at that age to be more important than some woman he's been dating for a few weeks.

Sounds like he had nothing else in his life except his kids, so he has poured everything into them. If I were in that position, I would wonder if he had any time or heart space for a relationship tbh. I think there is something not quite right about the way things are at the mo, but it may be that he will gradually adjust to a relationship... though you may not want to wait around tbh? What is his relationship like with the mum btw? Do they loathe each other, or is it friendly and amicable? There can be quite a lot of parenting competition between separated parents. It's also odd that the mother consistently doesn't have a w/e with her kids: w/e's are downtime, and they should have that sometimes if her job is the boring 'have you done your homework/get up for school/clean your teeth' stuff. If he were to adjust to a relationship in his life, his kids may well resent their tight system being disrupted.

Sounds like a kind and loving man who takes his responsibilities seriously. At least you know he's not a bastard!

Either accept the situation (that he adores his kids) or perhaps move on....

He sounds a bit boring, there is nothing worse than someone who goes on and on about their kids whether its women or men.