Should I stay or go?

[Lifehappens1991]

Hello ladies,
I am firstly thankful to any who reads this and replies.
I am 27 years old, mother to son 4yr old boy and married to dh together 6 years. I am afraid that I am in what is known as an abusive relationship and don’t know how to end all this pain. My dh smokes weed and has done since I met him. It wasn’t much of a big deal back then but as you can imagine any form of substance abuse causes problems in family life. It caused rife arguments when I was pregnant with ds and has continued to rain over our home. He can be short tempered sometimes aggressive and up and down. Since ds was born I developed pnd and I believe this was caused by stress from my relationship and lack of support. Anyway after 4 years of motherhood and a lot of growing up I have become less dependant in him and unable to see past his constant efforts to belittle me and make it all my fault. I am tired and everyday I imagine that I leave him. I understand many will question why on earth I chose to have a baby in the first place and yes looking back I was very niave and thought it would all change. Six years down the line I am a shell of myself. I have no friends as he has successfully worn me down with accusations. Can anyone help me pls? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can u help me to see this is in fact not normal! Thank u xx

I am firstly thankful to any who reads this and replies.
I am 27 years old, mother to son 4yr old boy and married to dh together 6 years. I am afraid that I am in what is known as an abusive relationship and don’t know how to end all this pain. My dh smokes weed and has done since I met him. It wasn’t much of a big deal back then but as you can imagine any form of substance abuse causes problems in family life. It caused rife arguments when I was pregnant with ds and has continued to rain over our home. He can be short tempered sometimes aggressive and up and down. Since ds was born I developed pnd and I believe this was caused by stress from my relationship and lack of support. Anyway after 4 years of motherhood and a lot of growing up I have become less dependant in him and unable to see past his constant efforts to belittle me and make it all my fault. I am tired and everyday I imagine that I leave him. I understand many will question why on earth I chose to have a baby in the first place and yes looking back I was very niave and thought it would all change. Six years down the line I am a shell of myself. I have no friends as he has successfully worn me down with accusations. Can anyone help me pls? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can u help me to see this is in fact not normal! Thank u xx

He sounds pretty useless.

The fact that you daily imagine leaving him is not a normal thing in a healthy relationship. I think you already know what you have to do, so if you need a little confirmation, here it is.

Leave him and gain a better life for you and your child. You both deserve so much more than him.

The first step is scary but trust me, you will have a weight lifted off your shoulders and from there, the only way is up.

Thank you for ur reply. The big part that I left out was that I am 4 weeks pregnant and do not want to keep the baby if it means bringing it in to this mess, I did think about hiding it but I have told him this morning and as suspected i have broke his heart and I now feel like a monster for wanting to terminate the pregnancy. He isn’t all bad but I cannot see a way out. I feel if I go through with a termination he will hate me and through it in my face every chance he can.

I think that this is a difficult situation for anyone, especially when children are involved. Have you discussed with him stopping smoking weed? I think this probably has a lot to do with his aggressive behaviour and his short temper but it's not at all acceptable, especially if there is going to be another child involved. You need support and love throughout your pregnancy, not extra worries. speak to him directly and express the seriousness of what happens next. He might surprise you and if he doesn't, I think you have your answer that nothing will change xx