So lonely

[Tessie56]

After 19 years in an emotionally abusive marriage, I drew a line in May and told him no more. I’m trying to move forward with my teenage kids.

The hardest thing is that, although my friends and family are trying to be supportive, they just don’t get it. I’ve hidden the abuse for so long which has meant that no one has seen/felt it but me and the kids. My parents almost act as if I’m exaggerating. I need to find people who get the “ive been run over by a steam roller” feeling that me and the kids are experiencing.

It's a shame that your family and friends are not being the support you need. Perhaps they don't know what to say. Not much of an excuse, but if they are supportive overall, perhaps you will need to spell it out to them.

Also have you considered counseling? After 19 years I'm sure there is a lot to work through and talk about.

Thank you for your kind words. Yes I’ve had a lot of counselling which has basically helped me to understand that I’m not to blame for how he’s behaved.

In a way I’m pleased that my family don’t get it. It means that they’ve had good relationships so can’t imagine being in my position. I’m happy for them and jealous too. I just want them to listen without judging or playing devils advocate. I’m exhausted enough without having their judgement laid on me too.

Did you tell them this? Did you tell them you just want them to listen?

Maybe it could help you to talk to people in a similar position like on a domestic violence survivors board.