The Cheek Of It!

[OverCapacity]

So... I’ve just been dumped.

He wasn’t even my boyfriend - just a “friend with benefits” and despite everything was always instigated by him, not because of lack of interest on my end but just because It worked out like that.

He’d ask to come over and if I wasn’t busy I’d say ok. He’d asked if he could come round tonight earlier today and I initially said yes. However I text him to tell him that I couldn’t meet up tonight as I was full from a meal out with friends (over ate! ), so can we do a rain check?

He has sent me a huge paragraph about how I’m a “nice person” and he “doesn’t want to hurt me” but he’s struggling with personal issues and can we “just be friends” but “maybe have more later”. Followed with more about how he has things to figure out, I’m “nice”, but he knows he’s going to hurt me and he “knows you want more”.

Excuse me? I’m fucking insulted and angry more than hurt. I didn’t love the guy, don’t get me wrong, it’s the fact that it was him always trying it on with me and instigating things with me then he sends this patronising text making me seem desperate. Like I was trying to trap him was the undertone of the message.

I just needed to vent... The bloody cheek of him!!!

Text back:

'Don't flatter yourself luv. Ta-ta."

Sorry x

If you were FWBs - i’d text back something to that nature....
And even wonder if he sent it to a wrong address....
So - something like:

Huh? Not sure if this was meant for me, as I have always considered you a friend with fun benefits.
If things we’re getting confusing on your end - I am sorry. Hope your figure it all out.
Etc

I sent him something along those lines. I don’t know whether to flip him off when i next see him or treat him with a nice dose of cool indifference

@MMmomDD - was definitely for me. He referenced specific things we’d done as examples of “good times” we’d had ...

He was a friend, that’s why I’m angry more than anything because a simple “let’s just be friends” would have sufficed without making me out to be something that never was.

I responded with (text copied):

Woah... where’s this essay come from? I thought we was having fun and i hate to sound insensitive but I really don’t have any kind of stronger feelings towards you. Sure I’m happy for this to end - just don’t fatter yourself.

Feel free to use my mn fav atm :
Off you pop cunty chops!!

Nice reply, which got your message across well. I can possibly see where he's coming from though. From his perspective, you were always available whenever he asked, and didn't demand anything from him. Maybe he thought you didn't want to put any pressure on him in case he'd back off. So when he thought you'd made a stand and cancelled on him, but was time to get out, in the most understanding way, from his point of view?

Or he's just full of himself and thinks he's God's gift to women?

Mumsnet asserts that "No" is a complete sentence, but in this case, "ODFOD!" works better. [ grin]

Sounds like he thought you might be rejecting him, so he decided to get in first and 'end it'.

I had something similar once and was equally enraged. A guy I was seeing very very casually, who I really wasn't interested in at all was moving to London- so I didn't see the point in 'ending it' as it had an expiry date. Then he moved and was phoning me most nights, and asking me to come visit, and I kept saying no. Eventually I agreed to see him on the Friday evening of a weekend trip to London where I'd catch up with friends.
A few days later he calls me for a serious chat- his work colleagues had told him that because I was going over, I obviously wanted more, and he didn't want that. Fine- I'll just go and see the other 3 people i was splitting my weekend between. But that persuaded him again that I was casual, so he talked me into coming to see him... I arrived and he was totally drunk because he was nervous that I was going to ask him to be in a long distance relationship.
It still infuriates me remembering it!

Pretty sure he ended it because he thought I wanted more (that’s the huge hint I got from his rambling) but as a PP said this was the first time I had been unavailable and I was honest, no one wants sex when they’re full of carbs and feeling like they’re ready to burst

I think I’m just going to be indifferent to him from now on... I honestly don’t want anything to do with him now as his attitude as really rubbed me the wrong way (more so that he suggested we could pick this up again later, as though I’d be ok to be dropped like a hot potato and be willing and open to take him back when he’s ready on his terms psh please...)