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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Older man

39 replies

lifebeginz · 02/08/2018 13:58

Don't really know what I am looking for here other than maybe some positive stories of other age difference relationships.

I have been dating a man ten years older (30 and 40) for the last few weeks and we have decided to give it a go "officially" (though still not rush anything)

Anyway I don't even notice the age difference at all. We get on great, so much in common it is scary and generally it just seems to click so far

Until a (male - if that makes a difference) friend (who at one point was trying to get himself out of the friendzone if you know what I mean) made a comment about any guys going for someone younger are only after one thing...and apparently the bigger the age gap the more likely this is

I laughed it off and I 100% do not believe this (I am sure in some cases it is true but there were 10 years between my grandparents and they were married 60 years before my granddad passed away) but it bugged me that he would say that.

So not really asking for any advice as such just some happy stories maybe??

OP posts:

Rebecca36 · 02/08/2018 15:39

You're a grown woman and there's nothing wrong with a ten year age gap. Different if you were fifteen and he was twenty five but that's not the case.

Don't take any notice of other people, they're probably jealous.

flutteryleaves · 02/08/2018 15:45

i thought you were going to say you were 28 and him 45 or something. 10 years at your age group would not even register as an issue. if my 18 year old son brought back a 28 year old lady or my daughter at 18 brought a partner back who was 28 - yes i might be worried a bit but i'd have to consider everything.

a PP has said 10 years at 60-70 is a big gap and i dont agree, everyone is staying younger for their age in outlook, lifestyle and healthwise. my dh is 8 years older and its literally never even crossed my mind about any issues, he's always looked young for his age and me older.

its very early days - just enjoy it.

Purpleisthenewblue1 · 02/08/2018 16:06

Would he like you as much if you were 10 years older though? Depends how close you are.

Smurfie12 · 02/08/2018 16:16

I met my husband when I was 21 and he was 34, we were together for 13 years and had 2 children. Unfortunately he passed away suddenly so we only had 14 years together. The age gap was never an issue for us before or after children. Age is just a number and its mind over matter, if you don't mind it doesn't matter. Good luck

WashingUpFairy · 02/08/2018 16:32

I'm 41 and my husband is about to turn 60, we've been together for 6 years and celebrated our first wedding anniversary recently. It's great.

thejeangenie36 · 02/08/2018 22:40

Two female friends of mine (mid 30s) have partners 10 years older, though in both cases the guys in question look and act younger so you don't really notice the age gap. Both are very happy in their marriages.

merville · 02/08/2018 22:45

Had a relationship with a 10 the older man at 35, he certainly wasn't only after one thing; however he did turn out to be deeply insecure and controlling, and I wondered if he thought a younger woman might be easier to influence band control and that was part of his keenness.

Sorry it's not a happy story!

MMmomDD · 02/08/2018 23:07

OP - it’s not a huge age difference. Nothing to even mention.
I tend to think that an age difference is fine - until it gets to the point of one of the parties involved being of an age where they can be a parent of the other party. Then - to me - it’s totally 😳...

There was a thread recently where a 26yo was going on how she has so much in common with the 52yo who wants to properly date her.
So that is older man who is clearly after something other than an equal life partner.

Original poster

lifebeginz · 20/08/2018 08:29

Thanks so much for all your replies!

We have been friends for 3 years. he has never been like this with me but thinking back he can be quite "catty" for want of a better word

Just to update he messaged last night to see he had seen me with new man (it is going great with him btw) and that he was "a bad one"

When I asked what he meant he backtracked and said it didn't matter then deleted the message!!! He won't give me an ecxplanation so I am taking it as jealous!

OP posts:

WasFatNowThin · 20/08/2018 09:21

OK, so I divorced my ex, not because he was 20 years older, but because he was an arse.

Now going strong with a guy 14 years older, been together 8 years now..

Thingsdogetbetter · 20/08/2018 09:24

He's never been catty with you cos he was hoping for a shag. Likelihood of shag is now out the window, so he has reverted to type. Be prepared for more catty comments. If you continue the friendship you need to learn to laugh them off and ignore.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 20/08/2018 09:30

Ten years isn't huge but I do think age gaps become more, not less, significant as you get older.

ccelia · 20/08/2018 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AlwaysInJods · 20/08/2018 17:13

Agree with pp's - to me it sounds like your friend has a bit of a crush on you and is doing his best to plant seeds.

There are 10 years between my DH & I. I'm 25, he's 34 (almost 35). We got married last month & couldn't be happier 😝

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