Relationship issues

[Missegg]

Hi, I’ve been with my partner for 15 years. We have 2 children about 5 years ago he started drinking I would say it’s more binge drinking he can go all week then come the weekend he just downs can after can!!
I feel like I’m walking on egg shells constantly!! There was a girl who tried to cause trouble saying he had tried it on with her. He denies this but on a recent night out when he started a argument and went out he’s having his picture taking with her and this girls friend is sending them by snap chat!! When i got upset it’s in the past (day after) and he’s done nothing wrong and can’t remember it! His words it’s not like he slept with her.. (sorry for rambling) he gets moody really easily and if I get angry or question him about anything I well get told I’m starting an argument or moaning!! I am guilty for bringing the above issue up but I feel like I only do as I don’t get any answers I’m constantly in the dark about things!
He left this week and I kept asking where I stood as he told me he didn’t love me but by text that he did!! When I asked if he wanted to be with me he kept saying you well know tomorrow!! This went on for 4 days and I still don’t know where I stand as he has left his bits at his mums!! My emotions are everywhere!! I bite my tongue a lot now but sometimes I can’t help myself and I do snap!! I know this isn’t fair on the children which I why I don’t say as much as I would like to!! I’m not allowed a break from this life as he sees that I’m a Mum and asking for one is bad as he doesn’t know any Mum that would moan about having their kids!! I don’t moan but it would be nice to have a night out or an hour with a cuppa by myself!! He does go out he’s goes fishing for the weekend or to the pub but when I say this he works and needs a break!! I also have pro 10-20 hours a week in a chip shop and have two children a dog and a home to run I tell him but this isn’t work!! Sorry for the rambling seems like all I do do is ramble!! Any advice would be brilliant xx

He's an absolute bastard MissEgg and I'm so sorry he's put you through this.

Naturally you feel devestated...he's been your partner for 15 years and you have children together...BUT....he is an awful, awful person who is treating you terribly!

I don't want to make you feel worse but I think you need to face up to the fact that he's probably seeing this girl you mention.

Do you own your home or rent it? I ask because what you need to do now is protect yourself, your children and your home. Do you have a joint bank account?

It doesnt sound like this woman (I assume she isnt actually a girl as she is out drinking?) was making trouble. Theres a decent chance she was being honest. Why would he hang around with her after, if she had been so spiteful before?

Am I right in reading this that because he works, he doesnt spend any time alone with kids? So you are constantly either with kids or working? Are they at school yet....do you have any free time?

Has he always been like this?

Sorry read he started 5 years ago. Does that coincide with having the kids?

In my heart of hearts I know there is probably something going on, we have a council property and also a joint bank account!! Both my kids are at school and I spend my days at home.
Cleaning, and watching day time tv on the days I’m not at work!! He had them on a weekend when I work.. his drinking started when his dad died and I was pregnant with my 2nd up until that part we had a normal
Relationship the odd arguments usually over money, tiredness from having a child and working.. but nothing like now..
I had a girls night out recently for a friends gig who has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.. well half way through he turned up and his reason is because he doesn’t trust me!! Never know reason to I’ll be straight I couldn’t be assed to be with anyone else.. he is my first love the only one I have ever slept with I’m just not into one night stands and all that.. I wanna find a man for life and stay faithful to that one person.. my one and only friend has recently moved away he didn’t like her either constantly accusing me of liking her brother in law because he tried to chat me up 15 years ago he prob doesn’t realise who I am now... he knows I walked away as wasn’t interested...

He decided to come home after 3 days and his response was that it was all a game.. him saying if he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me!! Well this week same old same old, I’m not allowed to have a disagreement with him otherwise he threatens me with leaving... his words u know what happened the other weekend...
yesterday he was mopping the floor and was pouring boiling water into bucket and I don’t know if done deliberate or by accident but some went on my foot and it hurt.. I asked if he did that on purpose and his response was don’t moan!! I’ve got two lovely children but sometimes I wonder if I would actually be missed in this world!! I would never do anything as I love my children to pieces and am terrified of dying!! But I worry they well also grow up to hate me as there must be something seriously wrong with me!! I look in the mirror and can see why he hates me so much..

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is keeping you and he together at all now?.

Its not you, its him. He is abusive through and through and the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. If he wants to play games then he can play on his own; you need to drop the rope he keeps on holding out to you and completely disengage.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and just what are they learning here from the two of you?. Its rarely if ever a good idea to stay in such a poor marriage because of the children; they are not going to say "thanks mum" to you for staying with him. They will call you daft for doing so and wonder of you why you put him before them.

I would seek legal advice asap to end your marriage.

Do you know I can honestly say all
I get out of it is money security and I know that sounds bad but he works he pays all the bills all the debts are in my name.. I did an online calculator for benefits online and I honestly couldn’t survive!! What I’m left with would have to pay the debts...
apart from that we had 10 years of being happy!! Yeah a few niggles along the way and I don’t know if this makes any sense it’s all most like I’m grieving for the person he was before the addiction!! At the moment he seems to see everything I say as being a sign I’m gonna start an argument which I’m not I’m just having an opinion obviously one that he doesn’t agree with and get told to fuck off and he storms off!! It’s like hitting ur head against a brick wall it’s so frustrating!!
I also stay because I have no one!! I have no close friends anymore!! My mum has a new relationship and I very rarely see her.. i also can’t be assed to make new friends as people in the end hurt u and leave... both my friends have either moved on or met someone else and cut me off!! So now it’s just easier to keep myself to myself!! I like it like that but even though he’s awful it’s still someone here if that makes sense even if he isn’t interested in a thing I say unless he agrees with it!! I’m lonely and I don’t wanna be anymore lonely...