Second child syndrome HELP

[IHATEPeppaPig]

Please help me!!!

I am having serious relationship issues after the birth of my second child - my baby is now 1 but they seem to be getting worse. I don't want to go into the whole thing as I know LTB is likely to happen but he is a good person but he can't be the father he wants to be and the partner I need. Where is the person I met and he promised he would be when we had a family?

Does anyone have any advice as to how to survive the second child syndrome? I don't want to break our family up but I can't go on like this.

I’m sorry you are in such a bad place

Without knowing specifics it’s hard to know what to say, can I suggest you both sit down and talk about it ? Try to be specific about what you want.

He won't talk to me about it. He says he's stressed and overwhelmed and I've tried to help.

I literally have taken all the night wakings, all the cleaning, pretty much all of the childcare when I'm not at work, I pay all the bills (he pays money into my account), I sort the kids out (washing, bathing, bed) so all he needs to do is sort himself out and sometimes look after the children but he still can't cope. I work full time too and I'm just overwhelmed.

He gets angry and frustrated and although he would never hurt the kids or I, he shouts and throws things.

He sounds volatile and aggressive
Not a good person for you or your children to be around

I know, and I don't want the kids to grow up around this.

I'm just desperate for him to get some help but I can't force him.

Help yourself and your kids by getting away from him. It would be great if he wanted to go to anger management and work on it but he doesn't and you can't make him. All you can do is protect your children from his temper.

Thank you - I know you're right. It's hard admitting that to yourself.

I feel like I'm breaking my family up but I just need to focus on the fact that he is the problem and won't help himself.

I'm just very sad.

I know it's hard.
Do you have anyone in real life you can talk to or stay with for support?

he is a good person
he shouts and throws things

These are mutually exclusive unfortunately.

It’s a very sad situation but this kind of thing is abuse and long term is damaging to the children so you need to think hard about your options

What you have is what he is. Not a good parent or partner. If he wanted to be that he would be. Which might involve him taking responsibility and looking at what he has to do to be that person. If you take contro and leave this toxic situation you will immediately make things better for you and DC. It might also encourage him to do the above. Unlikely tbh but possible.

Iv recently split with my oh who was similar. Expected me to do everything whilst on maternity leave and his excuse was he worked and I didn't. Then when I went back to work full time it didn't change he still expected me to do it all. This was not one of my bigger problems or stresses with him but it did put a lot of strain on me and the relationship

Shouting and throwing things is hurtful in itself. And violent. And might be escalated. You don't know he won't sadly. More likely than not.

@MsPavlichenko it has been escalating over the past few weeks, to the point I'm scared of him - so, I know your right.

I'm going to leave him, I know I have to not just for the children but I also deserve better than this. I've never really looked at it as abuse but the more I think about it, it really is.

@twilightsaga how have you found it on your own?

I have so much support in terms of family and friends but it still scares me.

@IHATEPeppaPig although at times I do feel sad as I wanted a family unit, I know now that that was out of my control and there was nothing I could do to have that with him as he wasn't cut out for it.

I find the parenting part easier. I haven't got his mess to clean or his food to cook. There's no arguments now and the house is calm. I haven't got him shouting at me and asking me for money now.