In Nov last year ExP told me that he didn't want to marry me (supposed to be marrying in Spring of this year), I wasn't the woman he wanted to marry apparently. We have 2DD - 6 and 3. At the time it came out of the blue and I spent Nov/Dec trying to talk it through with him. However, he was adamant his mind wouldn't change. I questioned if there was someone else involved but again he was adamant there wasn't.
He began talking about us selling the house and both moving on but I refused to sell. Said that I wanted to remain in the house for the stability of our DD and that as it was him ending things out of the blue and unwilling to try and fix anything he should leave. Cue lots of anger/name calling that I'm a 'money grabbing bitch' and trying to stop him moving on with his life. I involved a solicitor, we went to mediation and got it sorted.
Contact with our DDs was sorted out very maturely as he very much wants to remain in their lives and I don't want our relationship breakdown to impact on them having a relationship with their father. However, I will always remember one of the first conversations we had about the house where he told me that he wanted to have the DDs 50:50 so he wouldn't have to pay me a penny in maintenance. He doesn't have them 50:50 because his job doesn't facilitate it and he does pay maintenance according to CSA amount.
At the end of April/May he finally moved out. It's been hard getting used to this way of life and some days are better than others. ExP can be very competitive with the DDs and seems to try and out-do me which I am trying to ignore and continue as the stable parent to our DDs. DDs have coped amazingly well and there have only been a teary moments. However, I found out a few days ago from eldest DD that he has introduced a woman from his work to both DD. They've gone out with him and her for an afternoon and she's been round for dinner. It has really floored me.
When I logically think about it I'm not surprised that he is moving on so quickly based on how he ended the relationship and as she's from his work it makes me question whether this is a new relationship or in fact one that was bubbling away all along (his public sector job is one that is known for affairs and marriages outside the job not lasting). But I am upset by it and I am upset that he has introduced her so quickly to our DDs. They do seem to be coping well but I still think they need time to process things.
I know that it is his choice to do what he thinks best during his time with DDs so I haven't said anything to him about it. I also don't want to give him the satisfaction of potentially seeing me emotional and thinking that he has the power to do that to me still.
Everyone says that time will heal it and there will come a point where I am not phased by anything he does and I don't care about him beyond our relationship with our DDs. But I wish that point would hurry up because this right now is painful and makes me feel like a failure.
Feels better now I've said it!