Healing when you broke up because it's right, not because there isn't love

[roarfeckingroar]

Tips to deal with this empty, all-encompassing, tearing ache, please.

I had a thread a few months ago when we last broke up - he is older (41 to my 30), a self involved, depressive creative who doesn't want kids. I had much support but I went back because I wasn't ready to let go.

I finally grew a pair and ended it calmly. Tears on both sides but no raised voices. I love him more than I have ever loved ever but this really is the end. I've given so much that I have to leave while there is still some of me left with which to rebuild. He sucks the positiviity and the good out of me, he exacerbates my insecurities, it;s a long and dull story.

Please tips for getting through the next few weeks. Time heals, I know, but right now my every atom aches in abject, visceral pain.

Hi OP. I feel.the same pain. I know it's right to not be with DH anymore but the grief and pain is immense. The fear of splitting our life together and everything that goes with it. I go from relatively normal to unstoppable floods of tears. My plan is to have a bit more routine- get back to gym , meet up with friends on a regular basis (friends I let slide as I was too compliant to what he wanted to do), tackle basic DIY, clean out my wardrobes etc. I'm getting to the point now where I'm relatively ok during the day but dread going to bed as I start to think about things, get sad and toss and turn all night. Hoping things get better soon x

That sounds very smart and clear. Well done salt :). How far post breakup are you?

So much love and empathy. xx

Just posted over on the other thread.
We broke up in April after 16 years together. 7 married and 4 kids. I am now 32 so spent half my life with him. My whole adult life. Every holiday every home every everything
He liked a drink , drugs at times , there was abuse of various kinds. Later came control. He didn’t like me going to football. I am a season ticket holder at a club and have gone on and off over the years since I was a little girl aged 3. He hated it and subjected me to a lot of abuse and grief. The final straw was me going back to work and him wishing me dead and hoping someone kills me there.

I got on with the divorce in order to take control and also as once it got under way there would be no going back. I don’t contact him unless it’s about he kids. We don’t chat about our lives. Yes you might fill in the blanks but don’t attempt to remain friends or do anything together
You need a clean break. I see him when he comes to see the kids. That’s it! I talk to friends sometimes when I don’t hear from them i feel abandoned but I am trying to control it and keep that quiet. I go to a counsellor to go through things. On anti anxiety meds which have helped numb it
Started the divorce. Claimed benefits all the practical things. I planned a meal for a friends birthday so we all had a night out and it was nice doing something nice for someone else. I always feel better when I was my hair strangely . I try and read but don’t get that far. I will go back to the gym soon as fitness for my job depends on it (I am injured at the moment so can’t run etc ) always hate the gym but feel great after and it helps me sleep better at night.
One small thing I brought a new mattress
One he has never shared with me
Really really helped. Other bedroom furniture
Re decorate. Wil keep your mind and hands busy and it’s a fresh start

I'm 30 and scared it's too late to meet someone and have DCs.

My anti-anxieties keep me sane - what are you on if you don't mind me asking?

I've bought new bedding, I'm writing a lot to get it out, it just aches and hurts.

Fucking hell @changed. I just read that properly (wine/tears) and what a total utter bastard. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

This is my thread all on there

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3223966-To-be-angry-about-being-called-names-because-I-go-out-once-a-week

I am on escitalopram. Started on 5mg upped it myself to 10 and the dr increased it to 20mg last week

Roar - it's of 2 weeks proper but on and off "trial" separation late June. I've got DC 18 and 21 and was with DH 23 years. I can hardly believe it seeing it written down like that. I'm 50 plus and can't see me with anyone else - DH denies it (naturally) but I am certain he has someone new lined up.

Changed - hour situation sounds awful but also sounds like you are getting your life together.

Some days I am . Others not
He was on umpteen dating sites weeks after leaving. Speak of the devil about a minute ago he tried to wattsapp video call me
Absolutely convinced he’s pissed and possibly on drugs and got the wrong person. Cunt

Oh you poor creatures. I hope you appreciate your own strength.

I'm on 200mg Sertraline (long term) despite weighing 53kg. I'm comfort starving currently so I'm probably around 49. Ugh.

DP - thankfully no kids but I fear at 30 that I've missed my chances - has absorbed my love and adoration and support for so so long and I cant do it anymore. Theres not that much left of me to give. I just hurt and feel unlovable and stupid.