Dating anxiety - is this going somewhere or not?

[Dimael]

I’ve known him a while and I met him through a sports group I am involved in. We have been dating since mid June and met up once a week minus a few weeks when we both were on holiday. He already has booked a table for this weekend so I know he wants to see me but i’m starting to think this is going too slow. I just don’t want to waste my time on another dead end and would rather know now than in months to come. I see him through the sports group but we had agreed to keep it quiet until we are official so it’s not the same as meeting him for a date! Opinions on what I should do please!

It hasnt been long op. Give him a little more time. Maybe ask him on a date in the middle of next week?

It’s early days, there’s no rush OP. Enjoy the date this weekend. Meanwhile keep yourself open to seeing other people as well until you’re ‘official’ then maybe you won’t feel this way.

In what way is it not the same as meeting him for a date
You're seeing him at the weekend and it's Wednesday now. I don't see the problem here?

In what way is it too slow?

If this is too slow, in what way would you like it to be “faster”? He clearly likes you and is actively planning tine for you. I think seeing each other in a dating sense) and actively planning to see each other again) once a week or so for the first three months or so is good. You get to know each other slowly and can look forward to seeing each other. I get that there are loads of people who pile in and declare that they and their OH had a first date which lasted all weekend and were practically inseparable by date two and just knew the other was “the one” but honestly - this obsession with hearts and lightning bolts and whatever else the movies want to sell us is not the norm and nor is it necessarily desirable. Don’t get anxious and insecure over something which isn’t there.

I’m going to make a wide generalisation here which I’m sure somebody will come and disprove me on shortly: but the last three men I’ve dated have (coincidentally) been from the US and honestly I just think Americans do dating so much better than we do in the UK, possibly because there’s more of a culture of it (?) Current man, we saw each other last Thursday made plans to see each other this Friday shortly after and just yesterday he invited me to something next Friday. In between we exchange one or two reasonably long text messages a day. All this reassures me that he likes seeing me and wants to see me again, but doesn’t feel overbearing or unsustainable. I really like it. The previous two were very similar (didn’t work out for various reasons but both are good guys and we’re still friends.)

It sounds like this is what the guy you’re seeing is doing. It’s nice. It’s normal. Enjoy it. Don’t put pressure on yourself or him to “compete” with a vague vision of how you think things “ought” to be.

@dirtybadger previous boyfriends have wanted to see me everyday from the start, this seems really different to me and I know my past relationships weren’t healthy. I need to calm down don’t I? He messages me everyday in between I don’t get why I am so worried!

@Hellywelly10 yes will try that! I know i’m being silly but perhaps over cautious from bad experiences! Oops!

@comtessedespair I think the fact the way he behaves is so new to me is getting me a little anxious. My last boyfriend was awful to me and I think this is why I feel so worried that something will go wrong here. He is so good in so many ways like holding doors open for me and letting me watch the girly film he has to tolerate. He is consistent with contacting me. We haven’t dtd yet. Again this is polar opposite to most men where I feel forced into this earlier than I want to. Just need to relax I know!!

Yes! I think you do need to relax! So your previous relationships started differently; and they ended, too, didn’t they? The men who wanted to spend all their time with you weren’t the ones you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. So give this one a chance and don’t put pressure on yourself or him over expectations which don’t have much basis in how successful a relationship is going to be.

I suppose I see it thus: I’m a busy but don’t think an exceptionally busy person; but I have very close friends I only see once a week or so and who I can go several days without texting. It therefore seems odd to expect to see a near-stranger (and after six weeks, this is really what he is) several times in a week and be constantly playing WhatsApp tennis.

I’d have had sexual by now, though; that’s the only bit I’d want to be faster Jokes aside, because being sexual compatible is important and you don’t want to invest too much emotionally and then discover you aren’t.

had sex and sexually compatible

@ComtesseDeSpair we both live with our parents for now so this is perhaps the difficulty. We can only really meet out of the house for dates and I guess meeting 3 times a week like that would be expensive!
My parents are going out for the evening in 2 weeks time and his are going to a wedding soon so maybe I have to see what happens on these occasions. It would be a shame to date for 6 months and that side of things to be awful! 😂

Do what you need and want to do in the meantime.

But if you don't like me then don't bother.

If you want to see his true colours suggest more dates and see if he reacts the way you would like him to.