Getting back together with an old ex? Have you?

[BettyBaggins]

Saw him this weekend in a pub. Brief chat. I ended it nearly 10 years ago to push a stupid point. He still gives me butterflies in my stomach. It felt wonderful just being near him again. We are both single. Have you got back together with an ex? Is it a foolish thing to even consider?

You ended it to prove a point? What was the point? Xx

Yep- and we've been back together for 10 years! In a way the fact that we overcome 7 years of not talking, both being married to others, but still found our way back to one another when single, proves that we are meant to be.

I see no harm in going back, and if you're both single and nobody is going to get hurt, you've nothing to lose in getting in touch.

Nope !
Usually an ex is an ex for a very good reason

Hey husband and I separated for 2 years then got back together

We are happier than ever

Depends why they’re an ex, in my case no because they were an ex for good reason!

I met up with my ex 15 years ago after a gap of 30 years. We've been married for 13 years now and it's wonderful. It can work out brilliantly but of course it depends somewhat on why he's an ex.

@TheMonkeyMummy The point was stupid, I was blaming him for something I had done basically. Hindsight and maturity now (though he makes me feel like a giddy girl even in my mid '40's lol) we were in the middle of a pretty traumatic situation back then.

Did he seem keen? I'd try spending time with him and getting to know him as he is now then see.

Don’t waste anymore time thinking about it. If you’ve got a second chance, go for it!

Why not go for it? Do you think he's interested?

Once, and it was a mistake.
But you're not me. Good luck!

I got back with my ex two years ago, we split up 13 years before when we were 16 and 19 because he was moving away with his family. We’re now engaged and have a six month old baby. I think as long as your split wasn’t because of something you can’t let go of now, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t give it another try. I’m so glad I did.

Yes I have, he’d always been in the back of my mind, I’d always wondered why it didn’t work because it really felt like it should have worked. But we’d got together off the back of the break up of both of our first ever long term relationships (13 years in my case) and it was long distance and just all a bit much at the time. 6 years later got back in touch and at first it was wonderful in a ‘yes, knew I was right, you’ve still been thinking of me all this time too!’ type way, but then it was quickly apparent that there really wasn’t anything lasting there. Still, no hard feelings and it was the right thing to do even if only to exorcise the ghost!

Yep just had a baby together - I was 16 and he was 18 when we dated and now in our 30's . Much more mature and get on well ( his mom even remembered me!)

Well as long as he wasn't someone who dragged you down, why not give it a chance?

Thank you everso for sharing your stories, do keep them coming! My parents remarried, a mistake tbf so I am wary. Was he interested? We kept catching eyes across room etc. I felt overwhelmed by my feelings and kept a bit of distance tbh. Just enjoyed looking over and him smiling at me, wanted to reach out and stroke his neck. We have a very close mutual friend I may have a little chat with. It might be these 'on heat' mid '40's hormones of mine. I have been single as such since we split, had a few lovers but nothing like what we had. So much has changed and so little, am properly discombobulated! I hurt him in the past, part of me would like to try and explain, part of me thinks dont look back because thats what people say to do. Is he being nice in public and would tell me to bugger off in private? I have some musing to do and a chat with that friend of ours I think.

I did once and it was a disaster. We were just not the same as we were a few years previously and though I'd had an intense relationship with him before, I didn't know him that well. When I did I felt differently, plus we were in a bad place.

However it might work for you. Just take it slowly.

I've done this, though it wasn't as long a gap in between. It started off wonderfully, intense and all that 'clearly we were meant to be' business etc. But it became apparent that the same circumstances and personality traits which caused us to split up in the first place hadn't disappeared, and so we ended it again. I was devastated but ultimately it was for the best. I think it's worth giving it a go and in your case it's been so long you've probably both changed quite a bit.

I have, it lasted 2 weeks. We were still incompatible, just like before and he was still an idiot.

Yep, I was 17 he was a lot older, the physical side of it was good but he was boring so we called it a day after a couple of months.

Wind the clock on 25 years, we're both married, but he came back into my life and made me feel 17 again. Same story though, sex is great but he's still boring!

If I were you I’d send him a brief message to say that you enjoyed bumping into him, and you’re sorry that you hurt him in the past. Then leave the ball in his court. If he’s interested he’ll reply and might suggest meeting up.

Did you actually speak to him when you saw him or did you just look at each other across the crowded room? If it's the latter I'd tread very carefully.

I did after 6 years. It was better 2nd time round as we had both matured, however it still didnt work out in the end as we wanted different things from life. If you were ultimately incompatible then I can't see how that would ever change.

@Wasfatnowthin I am laughing at 'Same story though, sex is great but he's still boring!' Sex was great and he was never boring.

@Myotherprofile wise words indeed, but no we talked too, I just got all flushed and daft being close to him and lots of people we knew were in close proximity too so I kept moving away. I really do like my private life private, small town, no gossip required. This has happened before. He had a girlfriend then, she noticed whatever it is that happens when we are in the same room and I had made sure to avoid him since.

@Anotheremma nice advice, simple, thank you

@Rebecca36 'Take it slowly' is the order of the year

@fairgame84 incompatibility was never our issue. we had one argument in all our time. I can't explain more as too outing but extenuating circumstance were involved of neither of our making.

Funny reading some of the stories. I am having a break away this weekend and then meeting up with the mutual friend next week. Whatever occurs, I am loosing sleep over this so I need to have a deep think about what is really going in my head and heart.

I broke up with my high school sweetheart. We had dated for five and a half yrs. 2 yrs later, I married someone else- for 22 years and then (after I broke up with him) I got back with my ex. Eleven years ago. We are over the moon in love, crazy about each other. Got married for our "40th anniversary". It is so worth trying, because if it works, it is a happiness beyond anything imaginable.