poured my heart out

[donedonedonedone]

me and DH of 10 years have been having a very rough year, a lot of resentment from me due to him not applying for jobs or finishing his course that would allow him to be considered for better jobs.(he has a pretty shit job right now).
I have taken to just not talking to him or everything ending in an argument.
Today I poured my heart out to him over the phone about how low I was feeling including how I've been self harming, I told him what I needed from the relationship and asked him how he felt (he never ever talks about anything, if he's happy or sad or neglected or anything).
I was crying and telling him how hurt I've been due to things he's done and he was saying he wants to fix things, then I heard him mumble 'i can't be arsed'. I asked him why he'd said that he denied saying it but I heard him.
After I literally bared my soul to him!
He's not interested is he?
should I end my marriage?

nobody?

Sorry, yes

Kids?
Do you work?
Has he always been like this?
Sounds frustrating.

You can’t fix a marriage by yourself. You can’t try hard enough to make up for a partner who isn’t interested enough to try to work through things.

Nothing will change unless he puts in some effort and it sounds like the relationship isn’t acceptable as it is.

So unless he’s ready to put in what’s needed then your marriage is doomed.

Please beware it’s not a half-arsed and placatory to do just enough to make you doubt yourself without actually doing anything)

Do you not live together? I'm trying to work out why you would do that in a phone call rather than not sit down and talk with him "normally". In what way are you self harming that he wouldn't notice any marks when, say, you came to bed?

He doesn't notice the self harm marks because we haven't slept together in a year. seperate beds but live together. He always says he wants to fix things and nothing changes.
I've asked if he wants to leave but no.
I keeps waiting for him to notice me or talk to me but nothing. He's mote interested in other people. He will go out of his way to be so helpful to others whereas with me I feel like a nuisance if I ask him to pass me the salt.

I'm the only one who has ever made plans for us to do things. Even then he just sits and complains about how much it all cost.
He whinges that he doesn't get time with friends but never once have I seen him pick up his phone to arrange a get together but when I go out with my friends he does nothing but complain.
it's exhausting.
I need to be finished but it scares me as we have been together for a long time

There's nothing for you here. Grasp the nettle and move on.

I know it's difficult but I've just done it after almost 30 years! You can do this.