Failed FWB

[Tryingagain1]

So a few weeks ago I started seeing an FWB. I met him through a website for casual dating and we went for dinner one evening and met up a few days later to sleep together.

Since then we've met several more times for sex. May be a bit predictably, it's got a bit confusing. He said it felt like 'making love' and he seems very sweet both when we meet and on texts. He is also a very considerate lover ie he takes lots of time to make sure I really enjoy myself

I'm wondering whether I should suggest we meet outside of the bedroom or is that just a likely disaster? I'm not convinced we would make a long term couple but I do think we have feelings for each other. For example he seems really bothered if I mention an ex has contacted me, he wants to kiss and cuddle a lot.

Why do you think it would end up in desaster?

How can he be a FWB when he's not a friend? Is there a reason you wanted casual no strings sex rather than a relationship?

It's been a couple of WEEKS and you THINK he might have feelings for you? Bloody hell that was quick and a bit of mindreading.

FWB are supposed to be nice to each other. That's the friends bit. And also to kiss and cuddle and be considerate lovers. That's the benefits bit.
If you like him, ask him for a date. But don't project your feelings onto him. Actually speak to him.

He sounds like a good "FWB", it shouldnt just be meeting up and having bad sex then immediately dressing, etc. Although maybe the leaving straight away thing if thats how you want things.

If you met him on a casual dating site then I assume thats all hes interested in. If you are developing feelings for him already because hes being nice then I would knock it on the head before it gets more complicated.

I would be very at a FWB mentioning their ex, because theres no need so it would feel like they were trying to make me jealous. So I wouldnt mention your ex or read into his reaction too much. Keep conversation casual and not too personal, especially as you dont really know each other

The problem is some of these guys in these situations want the "girlfriend " situation - they want all the benefits of a proper relationship without the commitments that come with it.

I mentioned my ex because he asked, initially we both chatted about ex spouses etc, I suppose we chat about a lot of things. I wanted a FWB as I've been on OLD a while but wanted to be able to have sex still. I am dating and looking for a relationship, the idea was to stop FWB once either of us met someone.

It's probably been about 6 weeks with FWB, maybe I should wait longer before asking then. I didn't think I was projecting my feelings on him as he seemed quite interested in me but maybe I'm wrong.

This isn't FWB as he isn't a friend. This is a casual sexual relationship.

Just talk to him op and good luck!

There's no harm in asking if he wants it to become more than fuck buddies (it's not FWB) as long as you accept the risk that he might then end it. Don't get overinvested in him without knowing for certain that he feels the same way. He may feel you're going back on the agreement if you want to change things.

I think I'm going to wait for more 'signs' then I don't want to have to find a new casual relationship by scaring him off

Of course he is a friend. You know him, and you like him. That classified him as a friend in my book.

Just ask him, maybe to see a film or something casual like that. It might end up in disaster or not, that’s the risk in any relationship.

Talking from exprerience here. It is very difficult to have a FWB relationship unless you are both on the same page and know what the other person is thinking.

It is also quite difficult to detach feelings from what is essentially a non committed friends/ sexual relationship. Oxytocin has a lot to answer for. Men seem to be able to do this better then women.

I had a "FWB" type thing with aq guy for 6 months, we ended up only actually leaving the house once. It was lovely, but both of us started to get a bit fed up, I was a bit confused about how I was feeling so we both agreed to stop. It ended very nicely, we have never argued, but we would spend a lot of time cuddling in bed etc. That was the issue. I bonded with him, but also knew it would never go further and actually I didn't really want it too. He also felt like he wanted to maybe see someone else.

In the end we had a six month gap where he and I saw other people and we have fallen together again as FWB. This time I know I can take it or leave it, we chat and spend time in bed, but it isn't like it was before so its easier to detach. I like hi, in fact he is one of my favourite people on the planet and I am yet to meet a man who matches his prowess. But it would never work as a relationship.

What I am trying to say is its much less complicated to talk about it. I would ask him where he sees it going, you don't have to tell him exactly how you are feeling, just be open and honest and eyes wide open.

Second guessing will not lead to a good outcome.

pudding this sounds really similar to your situation. I agree the oxytocin makes it confusing! I suppose you can get on really well and have a great casual relationship without it being suitable long term. I think it would seem strange seeing him clothed