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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can’t split without selling the house, but being warned not to sell the house.

12 replies

JoyTheUnicorn · 31/07/2018 14:22

Apparently selling our (tiny, shithole) house is the only way dh and I can split.

The house is far too small for us as a family, and we’re all stressed and miserable.

I was advised to look into housing benefit (I’m a carer to my autistic ds who is home educated) as I can’t work. This isn’t an option as we own the house.

People around us are giving us dire warnings about selling the house - it’s an investment, it’s security, if we sell neither of us will be able to afford to buy again and we'll end up with nothing. Any equity could be used to rent, but realistically won’t last forever, and I can’t guarantee I’ll be in a position to get a job any time soon.
Dh doesn’t want to sell.

I’m at the point where I need to leave with our younger children as the environment we’re living in is awful.

Is selling really such a bad idea?
Any other options?

OP posts:

MamaMumMama · 31/07/2018 14:49

If you need to sell, sell. In years to come keeping the house may pay off, but house prices do also go down- just look at Zoopla right now and half the houses in the area I'm looking at are reduced.
Do you have a mortgage or is it paid off? Would you have money to walk away with if you sold?
Enough to prop you up for how long?
Would your dh move out and rent and let you and your child stay in the house?
You could agree to sell if when your child is 18 or is no longer relying on it for respite if they ever move out (mil was offered an order to be placed on her house so she didn't have to sell it in her divorce due to disabled sil coming home some weekends -worth looking into).
You have options and you don't need to listen to everyone else- it's up to you and your needs right now 🌟

Clairetree1 · 31/07/2018 14:51

maybe you can't afford to home educate any more

Original poster

JoyTheUnicorn · 31/07/2018 15:12

If we sold I would have enough for maybe 2/3 years.

Home educating is necessary at the moment as he couldn’t cope with mainstream and we couldn’t physically get him there, and I can’t leave him on his own enough for me to work. This is something we’re working on, trying to get an ehcp and a special school place.

OP posts:

Original poster

JoyTheUnicorn · 31/07/2018 15:13

Dh can’t rent as hiscwage wont cover rent and mortgage - we’ve been told by a letting agent that this wouldn’t be an option.

OP posts:

PurpleWithRed · 31/07/2018 15:18

"people around us" aren't living your life. One of you can keep the house if you can afford to buy the other person out and then carry on paying the running costs. It looks like that's not an option, so sell and move on to a happier future. Owning a home is not the be all and end all.

AllTheNameChanges · 31/07/2018 15:30

I'd sell in your situation. Don't stay trapped in a house that doesn't work for you and in a situation that makes you unhappy because someone else says it's a bad idea. Fuck that. You need to look after yourself and your son.

If you officially split would you be able to get the housing benefit or do you have to come off the mortgage first, even if you don't live in the house? If it's the later get it sorted and sold.

Your future is much more than a few grand tied up in a house. Your happiness and your kids happiness is your future. That's a lesson I've learned the really hard way recently. You can do this.

No one else is living your life. It doesn't matter what they think. Be a rebel...

Original poster

JoyTheUnicorn · 31/07/2018 15:41

Even if I come off the mortgage I still technically co-own the house, so wouldn’t be able to claim housing benefit.

It feels like we have two options - stay the same or sell.
Dh wants to stay as we are. I want to sell.

OP posts:

Hont1986 · 31/07/2018 16:28

Do you have the money to pay the legal costs to force a sale?

Original poster

JoyTheUnicorn · 31/07/2018 16:37

No spare money, no.
I assume that sale if the house would free that up though.

OP posts:

Original poster

JoyTheUnicorn · 31/07/2018 16:38

Thank you for all these replies, they’re giving me lots to think about 💐

OP posts:

pallasathena · 31/07/2018 17:23

Get a divorce. The solicitor will claim the house as a joint asset which has to be sold. 50/50 equity each.
Sorted.

AllTheNameChanges · 31/07/2018 20:41

Dh wants to stay as we are.

If you're unhappy, he doesn't get to make the choice for you. A marriage only works if BOTH people are working together. If this isn't the case then the person who wants to maintain a shitty status quo doesn't get to make the choice. Your choice is as valid as his. Don't let him override you for an easy life. I don't say this lightly but this:

I’m at the point where I need to leave with our younger children as the environment we’re living in is awful.

This is the most important part. Don't waste your life unhappy, miserable, stressed and in a terrible environment because your DH is living in ignorance. It's not good for any of you.

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