Not supposed to take him back but I want to

[Prettysureitsnotok]

DP moved out after fucking up. It's all on my last thread if anyone's nosy. He's gone, of course, all the home stuff is up to me, I expected that but I don't know how to cope.

My heart is breaking. I just want him to come home and work on making it ok again, he says that's what he wants too, but it's all out there - we set the wheels in motion of breaking up and now everyone knows. Everyone thinks it's rightfully all over. I really don't want it to be all over. Things were so good before this happened.

I don't want to betray my support network. But this is all so raw, so sudden, so misaligned with the way things were meant to be

It hurts so much and I cant see the way forward

I don't know the back story but why is 'everyone knowing' you've broken up the problem? Other people's views are less important than the situation itself.

Hi could you link to your old thread ?

I'm going through similar and we've been split over a year now. 😫

It's been heavy on my mind this morningso can't believe you have just posted what I'm thinking!

We have kids and we get on so well and the chemistry is still there. But my reluctance is partly from what will family and friends think. It's a nightmare.

In the past my dm interfered and lied about my ex so I wouldn't take him back. Changed the entire course of my life.
Do what's best for you +dp not what your family want /expect you to do.

Re-read your thread and take on board the advice you have been given and the reasons you got to the stage of breaking up. Remember how he was treating you, do you really think things can change?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3320514-Stayed-out-until-8am-with-work-woman-then-sent-this-message

He needs to stay gone, OP. He treated you like shit.

If you get back together, you'll be walking on eggshells and for ever wondering what he's doing when you're not in the same room.

Last thread here

He has never, ever, done anything like this before. He's admitted he went too far to impress and get close to people at work. Her in particular. He said that he had feelings but never acted on them and just wanted to be her friend. He was fired for sending her that email anyway. Maybe he only wants me because he lost it all in one go. I want him back because he's a piece of me and I spent 5 years feeling adored and so positive about our future.

You're right. I wish it never happened. We had an appointment together that night. If I'd just gone to it alone and not kicked up a fuss that he was going drinking instead maybe he would have just come home to me at a reasonable time and none of this would be happening.

Sorry he behaved poorly or feeling sorry for himself. I understand the temptation to put the blinkers on but he needs to do a lot more than feel sorry for himself. You are already blaming yourself which is your desperate way to 'makes things better' but love, you didn't make things bad.

I just want my life back, I wish I was good enough that this never would have happened

You are FAR TOO good!
Please get some self respect and leave this one ditched.
He's totally disrespected you.
You do not need ANY man at ANY cost.
This one is a total and utter arse and if he's not already cheated then he sure as hell will.
Especially if you have this attitude.
Stop putting up with being treated like shit.
Stand up for yourself.
Please go and get some counselling. One that specialises in self-esteem issues and does some assertiveness help.
You have done exactly the RIGHT THING.
Stop doubting yourself.
There are far better men out there who won't go chasing all and sundry, disrespect you or cheat on you.

It is him who is not good enough for you. You can get through this

So you want to be the fall back option for this lying, cheating, potential cock lodger again, until he finds yet another woman he wants to "impress and be friends with" and shit all over you while doing so? I can see why you'd be embarrassed to make that choice. People will rightly think you're out of your fucking mind or a complete idiot.

Of course your heart is breaking. It’s the end of a relationship and of the future you envisaged.
But he treated you appallingly. Who cares if he had never done anything like that before? Good men and good partners don’t do things like that at all. And of course he wants you back, he’s lost his home, his job and his partner. All because of his actions. That doesn’t make him a good person.

OP, this pain will pass. The pain of being ignored every day, of him communicating in grunts and telling you he can't afford to buy you a drink and his work colleagues "don't want" you joining them for an evening out would be never-ending until you did something about it! You've done the right thing. Hang in there, I promise it gets better.

Ohhhh so all of a sudden he wants you now he has lost his job.

Funny that!

Follow your heart OP

I don’t understand. He checked out of the relationship. Hasn’t spent money on you in months. Blew it on this woman. Sent her a drunken message. And you are reminiscing about your glorious relationship?!

Hi I haven't been able to look at the back story but it sounds like he has made an awful big mistake and is now licking his wounds. You really, really do deserve better than the second best that he is offering. You feel rubbish now because this is how people who are treating like rubbish in relationships feel - rubbish! Delete him from everything, hold your head up, remember who you were before him, and look forward to the person you will be without him.