AIBU to think about “making dh see a doctor“ becausing of something chronic not life threatening (constipation), PTSD related question

[ConfusedWife1234]

DH has ptsd and also chronic constipation. I actually made him see a doc because of this who said everything is alright, but that it was good he came... because of his symptoms it could have been something bad... okay... doc gave him some health advice, he followed some and disregarded some and still has constipation. Actually it is difficult for him to have a healthful diet because of his ptsd but he is trying very hard to eat healthy... but after a timeout eating much more healthful is now back to eating lots of crap and not enough fruit and veggies.
Quite a few times I felt like I should “make him“ see a doctor, who could have some other advice easier to follow for him, because he was not feeling well... and each time he told me how this was not non of my business and was a bit of angry at me... when I am ill OTOH dh wants me to see a doc ASAP, constantly ask me if I need something, gives me health advice, brings family members over to keep me company... so is much more annoying in his worry for my health than I could ever be.
AIBU to make him see a doc again to discuss with him that he still is not feeling well and discuss how his ptsd keeps him from following some of his health advice? I guess I bother him long enough he will do it but it also stresses him a lot.
His ptsd is from the military but I actually do think he is a bit of triggered by people from the medical profession.

So it sounds as if the ptsd is the thing that needs treating most.

Does he know what stage in the process upsets him? Maybe it's having hope which is then disappointed if things aren't permanently fixed?

Does he have any friends from the forces who would talk to him about treatments they have had and what they were like? Eye movement desensitisation etc?

The eye movement thing, EMDR, is supposed to be very effective in PTSD. Plenty online about it.

I think I did a poor job of explaining things here. He is being treated for ptsd. He wisely decided to see treatment for that... but he is still very stressed by the medical profession.

He actually has a lot of health related fears, not about himself but about others, constantly worried for their health.

At the same time he feels that discussing how his ptsd keeps him from having a healthy diet with his doc would be very stressful.

I think it makes him feel weak that he does not have a more healthful diet, he is actually a healthnut, works out a lot... but his diet can be very crappy at times... really like living on cupcakes and chocolates... and sometimes he drinks a lot of coffee... tries to become “clean“ of that and drink no coffee at all but sometimes relapses and drinks a lot.

It sounds as if he tends to go from one extreme to the other -

I think constipation is quite tricky. I'm not a huge sufferer myself but it comes and goes with my hormonal cycle. Did the doctor offer a clear plan for the constipation? Not just 'eat a healthy diet' but what he needed to eat/drink and for how long and if he should avoid any particular foods? I would have thought he could drink a lot of coffee if he wanted provided he drank a lot of water as well?

Might it help if you went to the gP appointment with him? Would that reduce his stress at all?

I think the doc discussed his food choice in detail with him and told him he is making some really poor choices. DH felt shamed and did not tell him he might have a problem with eating.
He suggested that dh talks with a dietrician (not sure about the word English is not my native language) but dh did not want to.

Actually dh felt humbled and shamed and did not want to discuss this topic with the doc ever again. Doc did not understand how difficult it is for him to follow a healthful diet... I fear the doc thought dh was stupid and did not know how a healthful diet looks like.

Am I babying him too much when I think he should see advice for this?

I'd talk to him again about seeing the dietitian. They are specialists. It might be that your Dh is interpreting what the doctor said as shaming, maybe the doctor didn't say exactly some of those things? Emotions around eating and behaviour change are just what a dietitian deals with every day.

I think your DH (and you) need to accept that this is what his diet is right now. For whatever reason, this diet makes him feel safe and that's ok. Hopefully with time then this will change but until then you can only treat the constipation and not the cause. How about medication?

If he needs to go back to the doctor's to get medication then I would go with him and be quite forceful with stating that your DH is working on his diet but you need another option for right now as it's having an effect on his health.

I was thinking just that... that I should made him see his doc and accompany him if he is feeling insecure... but then I was not sure because he is a grown up man... is that babying him too much and making him feel worse in the long run?

The doc does not think laxatives are a good idea if you have not tried to change your diet first.
Actually dh felt humiliated by what doc said: that he would end up with diabetes and heart desease if he was not watching it, because of his poor food choices.

I really try to cook healthful but he loves the unhealthy food choices much more... like crips, popcorn, cupcakes. He often buys them because I do not have the time to bake cupcakes everyday (Yep, currently eating cupcakes everyday)... when I make them I try to make healthful ones with whole grain flour and fruits.
He buys them at a nearby bakery and they really do not have healthy choices... so yesterday for example he came back from work, we had salad but he had picked up some cup cakes and ate them with a bag of popcorn, a bag of nachos and a cherry coke... to be honest I just stopped saying something when he does that. I know it is not healthful, he knows it is not healthful.

Forgot to add. I think he would need some counseling on which medication to use if he decides to use one because he is already on antidepressant medication.

(This Thread dort of disappeared but somebody found it and linked to it. I will see if it reappears if I push it up).

If hes reluctant to see a Dr, speak to a pharmacist. They can see your privately in a room. To be honest if the doctor has given him the all clear then you dont need a doctor, any other medical professional will be able to give you general advice. For symptomatic relief until DH can improve his nutrition he could try a gentle osmotic, and work his way off them by slowly making positive dietary changes.

But no, you cant force someone to see a doctor

You got me wrong. I do not really want to force him. Last time I made him see a doctor I whined and begged him, told him: what if it is cancer and your kids have to grow up without you?
When he was finally persuaded him I went with him there, held his hand, he had sweaty palms and was totally stressed, cuddled him when he came out of doctors office, told him how proud I was of him.. and this felt a lot like babying him while he actually is a smart a d capable grown up. I coulda this again, make him see a doctor or pharmacist but I do not know if it is right.

How can I see if what I am doing is codependent.