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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've realised what DP's problem is - warning: long and ranty!

3 replies

MonaLisaSimpson · 30/07/2018 23:18

I've been with DP a number of years but don't live together. DD was at primary school when we met and she's now a young adult.

They rub along ok but are very different. He's loud and outgoing and he likes a drink (sometimes too much but that's a story for another day) and to be sociable. She has ASD and anxiety and is quiet and she doesn't drink. I therefore tend to do things separately with them, although he often stays over or I cook for him or we'll go for a meal or the pictures or a museum together.

Later this year I'm spending a few days away with DP, a few days away with DD, a night away with my DSIS and two separate short breaks with two separate groups of friends. He went in a sulk because the break I booked with DD is over a weekend where we could possibly go to a sporting event together.

During the argument I said "get a friend to go with you. My life doesn't revolve around you, sometimes I do things without you" and I realised that's the problem! His life does revolve around me! He had one good friend who moved away and he has another friend who is a flake. He has no friends from work etc.

I can't force him to make friends or to do stuff without me. I love him very much and I love doing things with him but I also love spending time with friends, and I like spending one-on-one time with DD. So wtf do I do with this revelation?!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/07/2018 23:20

Explain to him he really does need to build some friendships and/or get a hobby or two!

MonaLisaSimpson · 30/07/2018 23:46

How do you make a grumpy man in his 40s make friends though!

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 01/08/2018 11:07

Who is he drinking socially with if he has no friends? Him having no friends is his prerogative but you do and you won’t miss out on the joy that comes with spending time with them, to appease him.

Him not having a social network is his problem, not yours, don’t get let him trick you into believing it is.

sounds like a child.

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