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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Im a victim of domestic abuse and the courts have allowed it to continue.

2 replies

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 30/07/2018 22:56

I dont know where to start, but i have been using a solicitor for 2 years and have had 4 court appearances regrading the children and many cancelled cases regarding the finances, this is all due to divorce. I have received legal aid due to domestic abuse and my solicitor knows all to well how unreasonable and frankly odd my stbxh is. I have exceeded the average legal aid amount by 3 times. This is purely due to the fact that my stbxh is unseasonable and does not respect authority, he is also a huge bully.

There appears to be little if no protection for victims of domestic abuse through the court system and i frankly feel as if he uses the system against me. Many perpetrates will keep on causing their ex to go to court regarding the children or finances, or making unfair and frightening threats eg i will come to the house there for making the victim go back to their solicitors time and time again.

So after many attempts to sort the finances out which are a huge mess as he was also financially abusive, we are due back to court soon. He wants to come into the family home and make a list of items he wants. I have refused he has now through his solicitors asked for photos and videos or he will continue to court to gain access. I understand it dont get me wrong the house is legally still ours. But ffs this is the man who has terrorised me for months and months! There is a huge risk that he would cause trouble while in the house and i frankly dont trust him as he is a lier. He has lies to me, his solicitor and the family courts!! No one ever picks him up on it just glosses over! Am i being unreasonable in thinking that yes legally i know he has the rifht but why would anyone wont their abuser in their house, its frankly traumatic!!
Anyone who knows my case knows he is bullying me and that his behaviour is abuse (even his family know this) So why o why arnt i protected more by the courts!

OP posts:
ponyprincess · 30/07/2018 23:26

So sorry to hear your story--wish I had advice but just sympathy about family court - the judge told me in front of ex. I had to forget he physically abused me (one of many times and the last time just afew week prior), and that was the past. I. should'' move on,'.

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 01/08/2018 09:49

Thank you ponyprincess

Thats truly dreadful, really degrading. I 100% agree the family courts need to put the children first but the whole family dynamics have to play a part. If you have one parent being abusive to the other this is detrimental to the children, so there for it has to be considered! To some degree the abuse i have revived from my children's father has been insignificant through the process, thats the bit that i feel is wrong. Even regarding the finances hes abusing me, trying to gain access to our joint house. This is a man who has terrorised me for 2 years and has been threatened with a restraining order twice. But no one really cares, there is a legal process to abide by and thats all anyone really cares about!!!

There needs to be more knowledge about the fact that some abusers will use the legal system to continue the abuse!

Please tell me like gets better and easier, i still struggle with how badly me and the children have been treated, really i should just be glad we got a lucky break! x

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