Questions about divorce, other woman and custody

[pppenguin]

My husband has left me and the 4dc for OW and moved straight in with her. Less than a month ago.

Tonight he’s told me he’s going to file for a divorce.

I have no idea what will happen now.

How much will this cost me? I was a sahm while he worked. Youngest dc is 6 months old. Oldest is 9.

Will the divorce deal with the custody of dc? At the minute he sees them at his parents on a Sunday and one night after school. Will they just let him take the kids to his new house with the OW?

He works 6 days a week. Can he still apply for 50/50 custody? I know his parents are desperate to have the kids stay over there, but they are so toxic I don’t want them being so hugely involved in dc lives and they never had the dc alone while we were together, but I won’t have any say in this will I if it’s on his contact time? Or can I insist his contact time involves kids being with him?

I’m obviously upset and trying to make sense of this in my head. Does anyone have any advice?

I wish I could help but have only sympathy to offer you. 💐

My husband has left me and the 4dc for OW and moved straight in with her. Less than a month ago.

What an arsehole. No thought to how any of this affects his dc just thinking of himself

Anyway, that aside, the best possible thing you can do is hire a solicitor. There are some members on here who will be able to give you great advice but you may equally get shit advice from others so please do arrange an appointment as soon as you can. If it helps my db recently divorced (no other parties involved) but as the significantly higher earner he was order to pay exsil's legal fees. I don't know if that's a common result but worth looking into.

Citizens Advice into about separation and divorce

There are going to be many decisions you will need to make op

First of all he can't file for divorce without grounds.. Its not been 2 years so presumably he'll come up with some unreasonable behaviour on your part. Get in first and file on grounds of his adultery. If you name her you can ask for costs to be awarded against her. A basic divorce petition in court is about £450. It is possible to do that part without solicitors and spending £££ but I'd recommend a first meeting with one to get some guidance and help.

You MUST get a formal legal agreement in place regarding asset split and maintenance. Given you're a SAHM to 4 kids (ages?) it's possible that you'll get spousal maintenance for at least some time to help you manage financially on top of CMS minimum. Is he a good earner?
Visit the 'entitled to' website and find out what benefits / tax credits you can claim.

There's no such thing as custody in law, it's about residency. As the kids live with you and I assume you receive the child benefit you are the resident parent. How much time they spend with ex is up to you and him to figure out but it seems likely he'd not want more than EOW and maybe a weeknight? Usually if they have fucked off with OW the last thing they want is their kids hanging around cramping their sexy exciting new life 😡

There's nothing you can do about him introducing the kids to the OW.. No matter how much that sucks you can't control it.. Depending on how much of an arse he is being you can try to appeal to his better nature that its not in their interests to be rushed in this 'new family' but again it is sadly the norm for this to happen because the cheater wants everyone to accept the new situation as normal and fine ASAP so they won't dwell on their cheating, lying deceitful selfishness.

I'm so sorry u that you're dealing with this.. As you can probably tell I've been there (and so have far too many others on here). The key thing is to get lots of real life support and try to get organised on the legal / financial front. Do. Not believe anything he tells you about those areas.. Seek legal advice. Good luck x

OP so sorry this has happened to you. It's all still so very raw, and you will still be in shock. What an utter bastard.

You'll find loads of support on here, and as someone above said, a mixture of fantastic and useless advice.

I would say - if it's at all possible, try to separate the emotional from the practical it'll cause you less heartache by far, and also less financially. Consult a recommended solicitor and get your free half hour.

In terms of the divorce - you can definitely cite adultery - but personally I wouldn't recommend naming her, tempting though it is. She may admit it - which makes it straight forward - but if she doesn't, then your task is to prove it. That's painful and just opens up the wound again. Lots of people in these cases would cite unreasonable behaviour; adultery can be a part of this. It's possibly slightly easier, and also less costly and drawn out.

Unfortunately, as PP said, you can't control who he sees / introduces the DC to on his time, unless there are real concerns regarding physical or sexual abuse. I've been through this, wanted emotional abuse investigating, but social services are so very pushed, they simply don't have the resources. And as my solicitor said, it boils down to 'different opinions on parenting'. Harsh reality for me!

You're going through the shittiest of times OP. It will get easier I promise; put yourself and your DC first, and as I said, if you can focus on the practical as being separate from the emotional, it's far less traumatic (and will save you thousands in arguments / solicitors letters back and forth) and more and more emotional trauma.