Hi everyone,
Sorry for the long post, have only recently joined mumsnet and still trying to figure it out how it works. I'm posting mainly because I need to understand if I am a horrible, ungrateful daughter as my mom and dad remind me.
I grew up with my grandma, since my parents were working shifts and were too tired to look after me and my younger sister. They lived in a flat not far away from grandma's house and over the weekend we would go see them for a couple of hours. Love my grandma to bits even if she was quite strict ( hit me with a cane on my hands when I cut my hair), but emotionally gave me everything a mom should give, and we are still very close; my mom on the other hand has always been quite distant: she didn't want a close relationship but used to say parents should be like army general to their kids and not friends. She left me in grandma's care when I was a couple of weeks old.
As a child I looked after my younger sister, sometimes going to parents teacher meetings, cooking etc.. Our parents didn't cook dinner for us so it was mostly me preparing it. When I turned 12 my mom had a change of heart about our situation and forced us to move back in with her. My hell started there. She changed jobs and had more free time to spend with us, so she would criticise me at every possible occasion, I wasn't allowed to have my hair cut, every single thing I ate was policed, and she would constantly shout at me about everthing. I cried a lot and her reaction would be to either put her hands on her hears and cross her eyes or tell me to stop or she would punch me so hard to make my teeth fall. I was hit a few times, but was reminded that it was for my own good and someday I'd thank them.
My father shouted and shouted and shouted. That was his only form of communication; he would leave slamming door and drive away when contradicted. I couldn't contradict either of them as was too scared to be hit;
When I left for uni the only condition for me to go was to live in a religious accommodation, with strict rules and curfew. I hated it, it made me really sad. Obviously I studied something they approved not something I liked.
I left after graduation and came to the UK. I've been trying to reduce contact with them but since having my DC they have been coming to see me often; when I try to talk about the past I get told how horrible I am, what a crap personality I have and how ungrateful I am as they have been better parents than most.
I am feeling really low at the moment and think they might have a point and I'm really spoiled and ungrateful. I don't miss them, don't really have a close relationship with them, and whenever I try to open up about my personal life they just shout and repeat me how I failed here and there.
(Sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my first language)