Hi,
So my parents are both in their 60's. My dad nearing his 70's. They've been together their entire adult lives and have never been in a relationship with anyone else.
Growing up, I felt very safe and secure and never believed they'd divorce. They seemed happy for most of my younger years, but as I reached my late teens-20's, things seemed to change. That or I hadn't noticed any issues before then.
They have no respect for one another, are arguing constantly and to be brutally honest, just don't seem to like each other. The arguing is more niggling, but constant as I say. Although sometimes it is full on arguing. They always put each other down, more out of habit than anything I think.
My dad suffers with depression and was officially diagnosed a few years ago, but I suspect he's always suffered with his MH, which I can relate to. The problem with my df is he is so narrow minded and stuck in his ways. He won't try new things and seems to need routine. He's the kind of person who orders the same meal again and again, visits the same places, stays in the same hotel. He is of the mind of if it aint broke, don't fix it, but it drives my dm insane. Whereas she likes to stick to what she knows, she wants to try new things, explore the world a bit. They're both retired and they can do this, but if my df doesn't want to do it, then that's it. He just says "nah, what's the point?" when something new is suggested.
The more concerning aspect of this, is that when my df has had a few drinks (they both drink reguarly) he has said some unforgivable things to my dm and I mean, unforgivable.
Whereas in some ways, they're as bad as each other with the nit picking and the constant lack of respect, overall I think my df is the one who's being selfish here. He knows my mum isn't happy, but as long as she doesn't leave him, he's 'happy' to just plod along.
They were over recently and my dm got really upset (this happens quite often, but this was different) and pulled me into the bathroom in floods of tears saying that she's so unhappy and if it weren't for my dsis, me and our dc's, she would leave him.
What do I say to that? She deserves more and that's difficult for me to say. I love my df, but he doesn't appreciate her. Not really and I can't see it changing. It does for a week or two and then goes back to normal.
I really do worry about how both of them would cope with being alone at this stage in their lives. Especially my df as he literally can't do anything for himself. My dm does everything for him. She's cooks all the meals, cleans, buys his clothes, packs his suitcase, everything. He's never even bought himself a shirt. He wouldn't even know what size to get. He's that reliant on her and I just can't see how he'd cope without her.
Neither of them have any friends, apart from one couple, which sound like selfish, racist arseholes tbh. My dm doesn't even like them anymore. She's naturally a very bubbly , friendly person and used to have lots of friends, but over the years they've all fizzled out. My df will be happy about this. He has never liked her having a nice time without him. If she went out, he'd be really arsey with her and wouldn't want to hear about it when she got back. He properly sulks. It's like he punishes her for enjoying something without him. It's actually very disturbing and EA, I know.
I don't really know why I'm posting. I suppose I'm just looking for some advice. I don't know how to help or advise.
My df sees the two of them as an unbreakable team, who don't need anyone else, whereas my dm needs other people in her life, other experiences which she's almost not allowed. In a healthy relationship, she'd be talking to her friends about this, but as I said, she doesn't really have any. She only talks to me about things like this, so I feel a lot of pressure to be honest.
What should I do?
Thanks for reading. Apologies for the length.