Insulted because of my weight

[Mysteriousme123]

I was not sure where to post this and hope it is in the right place. I have recently started dating a really nice man. He insisted I meet his parents at a family BBQ over the weekend. Everyone was really nice to me except his mother. The first thing she said to me was when did you last eat. I was a bit taken aback and she went on to say that my partner needed to fatten me up and that I needed more meat on my bones . I was also asked if I had an eating disorder! FYI I am a normal BMI of 20 and not underweight. I have never been insulted like this before and have no idea what provoked this. I was happily tucking into a burger before she stated insulting me. My partner in all fairness defended me and we left earlier than expected. I suppose I just want to vent and any tips on what to do if I end up seeing her again.

She might have misguidedly thought she was being complimentary because you're slim. What did your partner think? Maybe just avoid seeing her often.

Well I see why you aree offended too but then I know my mother would think this was a massive compliment to give.

Give it a little more time but if she continues to wheedle at you don't be shy about saying to her "I think you're being rude making personal remarks about my appearance all the time."

Maybe it was meant kindly. I suppose I am not used to my appearance being commented on and it was the fact that she kept bringing it up that annoyed it. I also got told that I have a big frame and look too thin for my frame. I was also told that my arms are too thin. I could go on and on, I just posted a few comments that resonated with me. I suppose I was hoping we could just talk about anything weather you name it and was put out that all she wanted to discuss was my weight.

I will give her a chance and really hope that this is a one off.

I was told I needed to get some more meat on my bones as blokes like women with curves and not the scrawny chicken look by a colleague last week 🤷‍♀️🤔 I’m a size 6-8 at the moment though and on the bottom line of BMI so he might have a point 🤔 still rude though...

I think if she starts again then you need to tell her bluntly.
'I'm happy with my weight. I like how I look. Do not mention it again or we will both be leaving. So.... How have you been liking this crazy summer we are having?!'

If she picked at you through the whole visit, and rarely talked about anything else, then she was having a go and not just being blunt or 'complimentary'.

My ex MIL was fond of telling me I had a cheeky face - she meant I had fat cheeks. She also made personal comments about other people's appearance and body shapes.

Nip it in the bud. I'm glad your partner stood up for you, but still...You don't want this incessant low-ball bullying to be a feature of your relationship.

It really has bothered me, I feel paranoid now especially with my arms. My colleagues have been really good and reassuring. I also recently had a pill check at the doctors and was told I was a healthy weight for my height so just keep telling myself not to worry. I wouldn’t have minded if it was a one off comment but it was just constant throughout the afternoon and we ended up leaving early because my parter could sense I was uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure If I was overreacting, it was my first time meeting her so I was a bit apprehensive.

It's natural to become paranoid and self-conscious if someone repeatedly focusses public attention on our bodies. And it was public, even if she was directing her comments to you and even if no one else could hear.

Also, like any bully, people like this know what to say to get through barriers.

Take the word of your friends and colleagues over the opinionated comments of a jealous woman.

Also thinking back the comments stung but the worst bit was when she asked what I ate in a day and poked fun at my answers... I said I had toast for breakfast and she told me that I should be having a fry up. It was horrible, really hope that it was a one off.

She might be a feeder and sees you as a potential to fatten up. If this man leads to a serious relationship you might be opening up a completely different thread on a year or two !

Sounds like it went a lot further than just poking fun at your weight. She was ridiculing your answers as well when asking your questions, she does not sound very nice to be honest.
It is good to hear your partner supported you.

I did not react and wish I had. I was just so shocked I did not know what to say.

You didn't fight back because you're a nor am person with manners. She took advantage of that to bully you for most of your visit.

A colleague of mine had something similar at work. Someone said her 'hips were offensive' because they stuck out. The lady in question is overweight and I'm not sure she meant it in a mean way just that she wished she could lose weight kind of way. Anyway my colleague rightly reported her as such comments could be made to someone suffering anorexia.
Hope you're feeling better OP.. I too would nip in the bud. Perhaps your partner with have a word with her

I am going to speak to him about it. I really do not want to go through that again. Apparently she is very opinionated about people’s appearances. His brothers wife was kind to me at least and told me that she had run ins with her in the past and was constantly told that she was too fat and needed to loose weight. She leaves her alone now, I just hope that I am not a new target. On a positive note, the rest of the family were kind, fun and welcoming.

Oh my god, I take it back. This is shockingly rude. Bullying to be frank.

It sounds like she is a bitter nasty woman. It's nothing to do with you given a) you only just met and b) the SIL has similar experiences. Please do not allow her to have you question yourself and appearance. She is in the wrong here.

Your partner's reaction on this occasion sounds positive. Once he supports you and doesn't enable this behaviour then all will be well. I would spend as little time with her as possible and proceed with caution. If she turns out to be a big obnoxious overbearing presence in the relationship it might be better to finish before you're over invested.

That is so very rude. comments on size should not be acceptable in polite company, whatever your size. he defended you, which is of course good though.

It shocks me the amount of people on this post who thinks it’s okay what this woman said

If I said to a fat woman “oh wow you could do with less meat on your bones” I’d be called a bully. So it’s NO different when something is said to a slim woman and it should never be excused as “complimentary”. There is nothing complimentary about telling a woman she’s too small and would look better “fattened up”.

I’ve had this all my life. If someone says anything similar to me (it happens a lot) such as I need to put weight on etc I just reply with “what, to your size? “ and smile.

I’ve had comments like this all of my life. People think it’s ok to say, so long as it isn’t about being overweight it’s ok. Rubbish.

I am overweight and i think it is completely not on to comment on weight, irregardless of the persons size, it is just plain rude.