I am not sure if I am just being unreasonable.
I feel that I have reached my limit with my partner being dismissive of my feelings, critical, and controlling - however, he says that I am the same. I feel this is just deflection on his part, but how can you tell if you're being unfair?
The most recent example is that he planned a picnic with his friend over the weekend. He made the plan on Saturday for Sunday. I told him that I would want to make something nice to bring along because I am not a fan of packaged food (including all the plastic waste) and my daughter and I have some major allergies between us which makes it difficult to buy food on the fly. He insisted that it would be fine to pick something up at Sainsbury's on the way. I told him I disagreed and I would plan to make something.
Sunday morning, I told him that I had decided to make hummus and some really easy cookies. He immediately informed me it wasn't necessary and we could buy something from a pack. I told him I didn't want to eat food from a pack. This devolved into a shouting match, with him insulting me and saying I always go overboard, I had hijacked his plan for an easy picnic, etc.
This all sounds so petty when I write it out. Things have just reached a point where I can't stand it anymore. I feel that he just makes life so hard.
We also never have sex unless I force the issue. He says if I would be nice everything would be fine, but he doesn't have any interest when I am arguing with him all the time.
I am now trying a new thing where I point out when he is being unpleasant and critical (pretty much all the time). I am refusing to engage when he treats me this way.
As an example, after the picnic we went for a walk and I wanted to move on from the argument and have a nice chat. He said something about how 40 years ago we could have been able to afford a house in the posh neighbourhood where we were walking, and I said something like, but just think, then instead of being a lawyer, I would have been expected to have a more menial job, like a secretary, can you imagine. (there is nothing wrong with being a secretary, but I would find it frustrating to just deal with the admin side of things and I am proud of my abilities as a writer etc).
My point of course was that it would be upsetting to be so limited in opportunities just because I am a woman. He responded by saying, "but you say now that you just want to be a secretary." I responded that of course that isn't true and he said "but you say you want to work in a shop", which is also untrue. The background to this is that I have found it stressful to go back to work post baby and to have to balance so many things, and he constantly complains that I don't make enough money in my relatively family friendly job. I finally put my foot down and told him I will leave him if he keeps insulting my job so I guess this is his way of getting around that restriction.
Rather than allow this to escalate as usual, I just said I was going home and walked off.
The thing is that he undermines me and subtly insults me like this constantly. Is it even possible to break out of this kind of cycle?
I am aware this is quite rambling but I am just looking for perspectives since I am completely out of patience. Is it possible that I am being unreasonable??