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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husbands mental health and abuse

14 replies

Louise28shaw · 30/07/2018 00:16

Hi this is my first time posting but just needed to let this all out.
Back last year my husband was signed off work with what the doctor believes is an anxiety disorder he was put on mirtazapine since he’s been taking it he has become more and more agitated, he takes this agitation out on me, everything I suggest to help him for the short term he says I’m not doing that because it’s not a long term solution literally everything I try to do to help him or suggest he simply belittles me and reacts as if I’ve asked him to jump off a bridge, I walk on egg shells all day trying to keep the children quiet and entertained as if they cry or moan about anything he loses his temper with me shouting and hollering then storms upstairs like a spoilt teenager, he’s now completely given up work so I have had to go out to work I have no choice we wouldn’t financially survive if I didn’t it is only part time but every time I go to work he says how ill he is and how he isn’t capable of looking after our children he says that if he had a physical illness no one would leave him in charge of 2 children however it was agreed when he gave up work that I’d go back to work, he spends his days moaning about anything and everything, loses his temper so quickly, he shouted at me today because I was moving the dog off the sofa so one of the kids could sit down I was literally moving her to the other end of the sofa so our child could sit where they had been sitting before they got up and the dog jumped up there, I’ve never felt so alone in my whole entire life, we barely have any intimacy in our relationship anymore, I honestly dread what mood he will be in each morning, I only have his mum to confide in as he doesn’t want people knowing about his mental illness, his mum is livid with him, his mood changes like the wind one day he’s lovely the next he’s vile, is it abuse? Is his mental health causing him to be this way? I honestly don’t know where to turn anymore, I’m embarrassed because he talks to me like this in front of anyone that’s there.
Sorry for the long post x

OP posts:
Rugby01 · 30/07/2018 00:38

Hi Louise

I’m so sorry things are like this for you. I don’t know the answer I’m afraid but I’m going to watch this thread with interest as my OH is very similar but without the mental health diagnosis. I really hope things improve and that someone here has some advice. But you’re not alone.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 30/07/2018 00:44

I completely understand what you are going through, my husband suffers depression, although work is his saviour and he still works full time, but he is awful to be around.
Has he only ever been prescribed the mirtazipine? It might be worth trying a different antidepressant if you can get him to agree to go to the doctors.
And yes I do think it’s a form of abuse, I have had two onslaughts of bad temper from my H this week and I told him I was putting up with no more of it.
I feel that even if it is a MH problem you don’t have to put up with it, now you are back working full time do you ever get anytime to yourself?

Louise28shaw · 30/07/2018 00:44

Thank you I hope things get better for you too.
To be honest I think that the mental health issue and the abuse are 2 separate things, I could be wrong but I don’t think having a mental illness causes someone to be abusive.

OP posts:
Louise28shaw · 30/07/2018 00:53

He has only ever had mirtazipine I have suggested that he should see about changing his medication but because I suggested it it’s obviously as far as he is concerned a ridiculous suggestion.
I have no time for myself at all, I work 4 days a week, cook, clean, look after our children, I deal with all the money and bills, one of our children has a disability so has lots of hospital appointments, I’m worn out, family live too far away to help.
It just seems I can’t do right for doing wrong, I feel belittled, worthless and unattractive because of how he is right now, this is not the man I fell in love with do I keep believing he’s in there somewhere or is this going to be my life from now on? He acts like a spoilt teenager rebelling against his parents.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 30/07/2018 01:07

You don't have to live with it. You are allowed to walk away, either until he is well enough to treat you with respect, or forever.

DPotter · 30/07/2018 01:54

You have my understanding and sympathy - have been just where you are and it is hell.
First thing - Your mental health is as important as that of your DH. You can’t care for the family if you are ill as well. I only got serious about what I wanted my DP to do when I was on the verge of needing treatment for depression because of his depression. You are not wrong to feel the way you do - you’re trying your best to support him and your family.

May I suggest you stop suggesting things to help him. I found with my DP he would take the opposite view whatever I suggested, so eventually I stopped. I did demand he sort himself out or get out. he was refusing to accept he was depressed (despite exhibiting virtually every sign and symptom of depression known to medical science), so using the term ‘treatment’ was not the way to go. Yes I know it’s cruel to tell someone who is ill to leave, but it was a matter of personal survival - mine.

Next thing - don’t keep his illness secret. It’s affecting the whole family so the whole family can share. My DP really didn’t like me telling everyone (and I told anyone who asked how he was), but as I was severely affected as well I decided I couldn’t say to people I was depressed without explaining why, so tough. I think this was one of the things that made my DP realise he couldn’t indulge his depression. I know that sounds harsh, but in the end that was what it felt like - he was indulging in the depression and everyone around him had to just put up with it. Well finally I decided I didn’t have to put up - and you are free to make that decision as well. For me I saw it as a ‘Tough Love’ situation and I wish I had realised it sooner. Our relationship has improved but I doubt we will ever have the closeness we once had. And it has affected the relationship between my DD and DP as well.

Don’t wait OP, decide what you want and act on it. Think ‘Tough Love’ and act.

AdultHumanFemale · 30/07/2018 02:10

I live with someone who has an anxiety disorder, and in the beginning, when it was not well regulated by medication and therapy things could be tricky, just as you describe.
Your partner's behaviour is abusive if he flies off the handle and shouts at you. Anxiety or not, the behaviour is what it is. It is so easy to go down the rabbit hole of seeking some kind of justification or excuse for unkind, inconsiderate, aggressive, moody behaviour, as in "...but he's struggling with anxiety". Both are true; yes, the behaviour is unacceptable, and yes, he is most likely really suffering. An anxiety disorder is crippling, and unrelenting, always grinding away under the surface, even during times of apparent relief. As a partner of someone whose anxiety causes them to behave like this, the resentment, hurt and exhaustion from the constant worry about what it's going to throw at you next, the constant treading on eggshells, living life on a knife's edge is equally crippling. It sets you up with impossible choices, as you have illustrated so well with your experience of trying to juggle work and the supervision of your children. You play fair, sacrifice, accomodate, seek solutions; anxiety moves the goalposts and blames you in the process, throwing it all back in your face.
I found that keeping DP's anxiety a 'secret' when it first surfaced did me no favours whatsoever. One of the most important things I did for myself early on was to decide that I could tell whoever I wanted, as it impacted my life. So everyone knows, including my employer, our friends, families, GP. Should there be a blip, I won't have to explain, or lie.
It is also important not to buy into a hierarchy of suffering in your house; his diagnosis does not give him a free pass. Your lived experience of feeling worried and beleaguered is of equal importance. Your children, who are sure to feel uncomfortable, insecure and worried, trump everything. For their sake (and yours), he needs to put some boundaries around how he manages his anxiety at home, recognising triggers in time and taking action to remove himself from the situation without acting out, creating a scene or making you caretaker of his needs. I found that my capacity for empathy dramatically improved once DP learnt to take responsibility for himself and didn't involve me in, or make me in any way responsible for his anxiety.
Living the way you describe is awful, and unsustainable. You absolutely do not have to live like this. Don't think for a minute that you can't leave because he has this diagnosis. Your DH needs to see his GP again to review his meds and perhaps ask to be referred for therapy. Think about boundary setting; your DH needs to 'get it' for himself, that he needs to shield you and the DCs from aggressive expressions of his anxiety, and you need to know where your bottom line is.
For me, it really is a day at a time. I know that, although it is well managed at the moment, and DP is very invested in maintaining wellness, things can change. If they do, I will reassess. We both know this. The price of harmony in our house is less spontaneity, more forward planning and careful communication.

Louise28shaw · 30/07/2018 02:12

I know I can walk away it’s so easy to say though isn’t it, part of me wants to support him then part of me wants to run away.
I get days where I just want to walk but it’s like he knows and he will be all sweetness and light and I get in my head that maybe we have turned a corner, I’m ashamed of myself right now because I know my advice to anyone in my position would be to walk away.
I’ve told him I will leave if he doesn’t seek further help from the doctors then he will make an appointment he goes tells the doctor a load of lies the doctor then thinks he’s ok so just keeps on with the same medication and no further help.
I’ve spoke to the doctor myself about him during a phone appointment he had and the doctor said unless he tells me all this himself there is nothing I can do.

OP posts:
DPotter · 30/07/2018 08:54

Could you go together to the Doctor’s so you can explain the situation? I know it sounds daft, but the only ‘treatment’ my DP would consider was going to Relate together. I wasn’t happy about it, but the appointment was booked before he could blink. At the assessment meeting the counsellor asked why we wanted to come to Relate and I told her that I didn’t but it was the only way I could get any support for DP who was refusing everything else. The Counsellor we saw for the 6 weeks basically told DP she thought he was depressed and that his wanting to let nature to ‘let nature take its course’ was selfish and short sighted. This came after he revealed he had had suicidal thoughts at one point.

You can still support him if you live separately; it will mean you have space to get yourself back on track and it will also help him to focus on his health as well.

Thingsdogetbetter · 30/07/2018 08:55

If he is capable of modifying his awful behaviour when he feels you pulling away, then he is capable of modifying his behaviour ALL the time and he is CHOOSING not to. This to me is abusive behaviour separate from his MH.
You need to get him to make a doctor appointment and and go with him, hear what he says AND what his doctor says. If he is not willing then he is perfectly happy treating you and your dc as shite. Perhaps the doctor doesn't change his meds because the doctor is well aware that his behaviour has nothing to do with his mh and everything to do with him being a first grade wanker! He is using MH issues as an excuse to act as he wants, knowing you will accept it. I know lots of people with anxiety, depression, bpd (myself included) and NONE of them treat the people around them like this! They do their best in very hard circumstances and try to ensure their mh impacts those around them as little as possible.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/07/2018 09:07

but it’s like he knows and he will be all sweetness and light
THIS ^ is how you know it's abuse.
He can be nice when he wants to.
But abusing you is easier and it's what he does and what he gets away with.
Please start looking at your future.
Could you move nearer your family with the DC?
Is your house mortgaged?
You cannot save him.
You cannot help him.
He can only do this himself and he simply doesn't want.
Why would he?
There are no consequences for his behaviour right now so no reason to 'sort himself out'
You need to worry about yourself, your DC and your own mental health.
Do what is right and best for you and your DC.

umpteennamechanges · 30/07/2018 09:10

I just want to say as someone with MH issues....his behaviour is completely unacceptable.

I have bipolar disorder so at times suffer with severe depression and anxiety. I've been in a psychiatric hospital twice and so have lots of friends with severe MH issues.

Depression and anxiety impact the way you feel.

Character decides how you react to that feeling.

The absolute worst I get in terms of impact on my DH is that I may snap at him once. I then five minutes later I apologise and tell him I shouldn't have snapped, and that I love him and I don't snap at him again in that period.

I've met some of the nicest people I know in psychiatric hospital, all great people. I mentioned this to my psychiatrist and he said:

"Yes, the people who end up here are usually good people - when they have issues, they tend to turn it on themselves. The arseholes amongst us take it out on other people instead"

umpteennamechanges · 30/07/2018 09:13

So, in summary, as PP have said. MH is not in any way an excuse or justification for abusive behaviour.

The only exception to that would be someone who is genuinely psychotic and delusional as obviously they've lost touch with reality at that point.

Your partner is CHOOSING to take out the way he feels on you.

AdultHumanFemale · 30/07/2018 10:29

Hi again, Louise
I just wanted to add and emphasise; please take whatever measures you can to make sure that your DCs have as little exposure to potential escalations of anxiety as possible. Take his word for it, he probably isn't in a fit state to look after the children if he says he isn't. How old are they? When DP was first diagnosed, I took the decision to put DC in nursery for as many hours as we could afford on the days I had to work, and negotiating a shorter working day (compensated for by doing some work from home), minimising the amount of time he had to spend alone with them. DP initially hated the financial hit, and felt ashamed that I had removed the option of him looking after the DCs, but had to concede that it was a huge relief. This might not be possible for you, I realise. The thing is, you can't both work and look after the children, so if his giving up work (and subsequent loss of income) doesn't mean he is able to provide the reliable, safe child care you require in order to return to work, you must make this a priority. If your economy can't sustain the provision of childcare while he is out of work, this should be a big factor in your decision making, hopefully prompting him to seek help more earnestly, or even prompting you to go your own way with the DCs.
I really feel for you. I feel like I am reading your posts from the 'other side' of crisis, in circumstances which have been favourable in terms of supporting recovery, with a cooperative partner, and even now, it is all in the balance.

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