To start off my mum and me have a generally really good relationship. We get on well and have a laugh together. She helps a lot with the children and never makes me feel guilty for this. In return I do help here as well. My issue is she has extremely high expectations of 1) the state of people’s (mine) Home and 2) my appearance
I’ll start with my home. I have a lovely house in a rural area with a small holding. I also work pt. I have lots of animals and I love it. I have a busy husband and children in and out. I love it. I cook quite a lot and we walk a lot.
It’s a bigish house that we’ve been renovating for a couple of years which is nearly done but with that we’ve obviously had times where laundry is in the kitchen and paint brushes in the hall etc. Living in a rural area there are often wellies in the hall etc but the house is always “guest ready” and clean but very much a family home. My mum is the total opposite. Growing up my friends always commented on how clean the house was. I wasn’t allowed certain toys because they were too messy. I was desperate for a chalk board but never allowed one as it would be too messy. My siblings and I went to boarding school and I wholeheartedly believe this was so we weren’t around to make a lot of mess. If I had made any mess whatsoever I’d have a high level of anxiety. We weren’t allowed to use certain loos in the house. We had a cleaner every day for 3 houses and another one for 3 days a week for 3 hours a day. We had a live in nanny while I was young too.
If my house has laundry on the kitchen floor even after a holiday then she will stand awkwardly and say “I don’t understand how some people can live with laundry waiting to go into the machine why don’t people just get it done. I’ll go you don’t have time to be chatting to me when you have so much work to be getting on with”
Or if the garden has a few weeds, path needs a sweep etc it’s “why don’t you hire a gardener for the day to sort this mess out” or “people who don’t give their house a deep clean every week are lazy. It’s easy to keep everything spotless, you just need to make the effort”. This is aimed at me. As I say my house I feel is guest ready but I don’t have time to be cleaning under the sofa every week. Twice a year for that short of thing is fine for me. We have clean bedding every week I I vacuume every day to give you an idea tat my house really is quite clean.
Onto my appearance.. I wear makeup most days and my style is jeans, Breton tops, dresses and flat boots etc. If I’m going out I will dress up with healed boots etc but that’s not often. When I’m at home I’m in sports leggings and tshirts as I’m usually working with the animals or coming in from walking the dogs etc. On a rare quiet weekend morning I’ll not have makeup on and I’ll be in comfy clothes. I’m not “glamorous” but I have a nice style. I don’t have a lot of money to spend on myself so my clothes come from eBay a lot of the time but they are god quality - I don’t look scruffy. This is what upsets me. She will call me up and ask what I’m wearing - then she will say to me that I need to dress more glamorous, wear diamonds (I don’t have any - she knows that and I wouldn’t buy them anyway) I need to wear high heals and a smart dress. My hair is either too short or too long, in the wrong style or I wear it up too much. When I have bug earrings on “I hate it when people wear big earrings” etc. She thinks my husband gets bird of me being so “frumpy”. She thinks I should lose weight by saying “you’ll easily be able to lose half a stone before your birthday” etc. If I don’t have make up on she will look really disappointed in me and use any excuse to say that I should be wearing it.
I don’t know how to fix it as it’s making me feel really low. If I say anything I get told to chill out it’s only a joke and I’m too sensitive.