Hello all, I'm writing today as I need your help to decide which town I can move to in an emergency during the next two weeks as I plan to leave my rageful husband whom refuses to seek mental health care/support counsellors have suggested and our GP also strongly advised. We live in Germany and I my husband is from the town we are in and I am from England and been living in West Germany for almost 3 years with my child and husband. Problem is he has become gradually more and more rageful and has not accepted he has been violent also. I had forgiven him as he promised to get professional support and therapy or assessment from psychiatric therapists/doctors of neurology as it has become a regular occurrunce that he became rageful and then forgot about what he said or did. I love him dearly but the times he was calm and wonderful and gentle and kind have become almost zero. He went to a lawyer this year behind my back without any discussion and sent me a letter saying he wanted a seperation as I was the problem and he wanted a divorce after a year. He told me he was going to see the doctor about his regular prescription and he asked me what I would like to do for Valentines day the day before he left and didnt come back. We had an argument the week before that where he came home already flustered and angry and told me he wanted a coffee and he was going out again imeadiately after. I made the coffee and asked if he could do me a favor whilst out as our child was ill and had been off school and I had not made it to the bank and could he pick up some cash for me as I didnt use the bank card as I had no idea if he had deposited the grocery money that week yet as I had no password access to the online banking. He started shouting out just use the card and saying I always told him things to do after work and he had only just arrived. I apologised and explained why I was asking as the password had not worked and I did not want to go buy grocery the next day and find I could not pay for it. He stormed off and didnt drink the coffee and came back an hour later and was still angry. He starting accusing me of having an affair and all sorts of things similar like being with my ex I have not seen or heard from in many years and alot of nonesense and then he picked up our wedding photographs/frames and smashed them together over the dining table whilst I was sat trying to keep myself calm as he was making me very anxious and afraid as he was shouting at the top of his voice. He kept telling me over and over what he thought my feelings were and what I was going to do but did not want to ask me or hear what I said at all. I told him to stop being ridiculous and sit down and then I talk to him. He didnt but calmed down by going for a walk. He later came back ate dinner and then started again to accuse me of not loving him and doing everything wrong to him. I have only ever been a loving supportive and caring devoted wife to him and I had felt increasingly ignored and left in the dark about his activities and thoughts as he would not open up and talk but only rage. I explained this and when he became rude and threw around a coffee cup thinking apparently I was ging to hit him he said I told him to leave or calm down and he ended up going to his mothers home. He came back after two days and was sorry it got out of hand but did not address the problem with the raging and negative thoughts was very out of control. He agreed he needed help and he said I needed help but I feel I did only to talk about what he was doing and how to cope with it as our child was being affected by his aggression too when he was shouting at me and raised his voice during time he helped out with homework. I tried to talk with him so often and his family to get him to go to therapie but it had not worked as he had not found a suitable therapist to help and also told me the only one he had seen on and off was saying he was not open enough to help him as he only would talk about me but not himself.
This went on until this year and we seperated in February but later he said he wanted to make things good again and could the court lift the no contact order in place due to his abusive behavior he said he was sorry for in court. I let him back into my life with the promise he had made to seek help or there was not a way forward.
I have been enjoying times seeing him twice to three times a week outside our home he had been forbidden to enter without my permission by court order and he had expressed absolute desire to make things work. He would go out for walks, for a coffee at our favourite cafe and watch films together we both liked and he planned a trip to another city close by for a treat for our birthdays this month as it was my 40th Birthday. It was lovely a great plan to we all looked forward to as a family but then he became rageful the night before even though he knew I was still anxious that the medication he had started to take for depression about 6 weeks before had little efect on the aggitated and angry shouting fits that appeared from nowhere incluing negative comments towards himself accusing myself and our child of saying them when we had not said anything of the sort. It felt like he was in this negative world and could no longer get out. I missed my husband dearly but he could be right next to me and push me away by the comments and his stand offish approach that I could not be intimate or feel happy to be around him as he had shouted at me constantly for anything I had offered help with or asked if he wanted to join in with. He ran out on us without saying where he was going or for how long whilst on holiday on our last day and I had to make my own way after he didnt return. I went to my parents as planned after the short break and he was just rude via sms saying it was all my fault and I was shouting and refused to believe he had left shouting at me. I had tried to meet with him for hours before I went to the airport but ended up in tears on leaving as he never came back to meet me and our child the whole day. I spoke with him on the phone to try get him to see it was not a good ending on the trip and try meet back up with him on my way back to Germany and we could try make up for the time lost and also get the support from therapy on off whilst we both had holidays from our jobs for two more weeks whilst leaving our child with her grandparents to give us some time alone. We returned to Germany with a rocky trip back filled with his agitated and strange behavior of negative ideas every time I spoke it was like he heard the total opposite and he walked away several times and met back up with me. We came home and we agreed to enjoy a nice evening and open presents for him for his bithday but he put them aside and wanted to focus on something else to do with our child on our trip previous to me being away even though we had resolved that and agreed to not speak of it until therapy as I felt he may not be able to deal with it. It was a mistake to say this to him as he became unhappy and said I was going to hit him and call the police and thats why he was leaving. He told me to leave my own home first then he realised I was not leaving and he had to go back to his mother home where he had been living since February. He seemed to be fixated with me being his enemy and went in and out of this strange behavior too often and it is very disturbing. I decided it must be as he is afraid of going to see the neurologist/therapist clinic the next morning so he had made the argument to leave. He has since been sending me SMS i was not able to block on my phone and would not answer his phone and constantly blaming me for his own behavior and just asking me to come back to help but then dumping me again. I told him yesterday I had no way to communicate with him in any resonable manner without an open civil dialogue that he did not shout over me and the accusations to the police via his fantasy ideas had been too much for me. I would be leaving. He has said he will be going to the clinic tomorrow but Im very afraid he wont go but rather is just playing me about to stall my return to the UK. I would like to go back to set up home as im so out of control of my life here due to language etc issues with not finding work having no connection to support my daughters schooling even though she is now fluent in German. But if he wants to get well he will join me as he had expressed a wish to move to the UK twice before so if he really didnt want a divorce instead of address his health he would sort himself out and join his family. I need your help now to decide which town in England to move to that would give my child the best possible future at school and any job I can get to find a place to live as I think I will be emergency shelter first as I cannot go home to my parents as the community has made it difficult for my family since I married outside of my culture and religion so im not well liked. I also dont want to be there as my ex husband lives in the same town and I would not feel safe as he used to stalk me and was very controlling. I just want to find a town I can run to and get help to find somewhere to live without all this stress and feel safe. Can anyone suggest where has some community support for a mum and child and jobs and good secondary schools I might get an emergency place at for my child whom ahs been through so much.
Im sorry it was so long to explain and in one lump but im packing to leave and im really anxious about booking my things to be put in storage so I can just flee as I might end up on the streets if my husband looses his job and his friends have threatened me due to the stories he as told then about me having imaginary affairs. He keeps telling me he has no other woman in his life but I say let me go if you dont want to live with me and make things work. I'm really afraid of how things will be homeless back in the UK.
Can anyone tell me about their town? please im not sure where to go.