Once it’s said it can’t be taken back.

[yorkshireyummymummy]

Hubby has admitted he only stays with me because he can’t afford to leave.
What do I do now?
He says I have changed a lot. He blames my broken relationship with my father, my ongoing health problems which give me permanant pain and a dependence on strong painkillers and the fact that I’m bored as I can’t work.
Obviously his worsening autistic behaviour is not to blame at all. It’s all me. So, even if I accept that it’s all me what do I Do? Move into the spare room? Just accept to and carry on arguing and being unhappy?

I’m devastated that he has said it. I’ve long thought he felt it but now it’s ‘out’ it can’t be put back can it. Not once did he mention love. Not once.

I don't really know what to suggest is best for you but I just wanted to offer you some support 💐

My mum has a chronic pain condition that means she is on very strong daily medication and cannot work so I fully understand the physical and mental limitations that come with this, I was also diagnosed on Tuesday that I have a degenerative disc condition so I know what's coming for me too! I have literally posted on my FB this morning a massive thanks to everyone who is supporting me as I cannot image dealing with this alone so with that I offer you MY support - if you need to talk please inbox me, or reply on this thread. Nobody deserves chronic pain and nobody deserves to deal with it alone x

Move him into the spare room. Start planning a life without him.

Blimey he didn't leave much out did he?
Are you responsible for Trump and Brexit too?

He's not invested emotionally at all, maybe financially but about you? He doesn't care a bit.

As winded as you feel now it's time to plan what YOU need, fuck him, do you want the cheap fucker in your life? What benefit does he bring? Put a price on that prick.

Sorry you exist with pain, I won't say live because I know how much life pain steals.
Illness is so isolating. Start by getting the malignant lump removed and get rid of DH.

He is horrible, he doesn't give a shit about you or your disability. Get rid as soon as possible.
My husband dumped me when I was in hospital as he didn't want to deal with my health problems - too boring for him so we are now divorced, I'm not taking any of that shit.
If you instigate divorce he will have to leave whether he likes or not. Everything is weighted in your favour and you qualify for legal aid.

I just feel a bit staggered by him really.
We argue a lot but everything is always my fault. I struggle greatly with his autism - I ‘ forget’ he isn’t normal ( for want of a better word) and behave like a normal person around him. Apparently this means I don’t listen or care as I’m not changing how I behave to take into account his autism.
But I feel that I do. I deal with all mail, finances, telephone calls, anything to do with tradesperson, anything to do with DD school, every arrangement with dentist/doctors etc, all of the shopping /meal planing/cooking, plans for the house, decorating the house, everything to do with everybody’s birthdays/Christmas . If we go anywhere I make sure he’s wearing the correct clothes, he has showered/shaved, that he knows where we are going, the route, what will happen when we get there........it just goes on and on.
But sometimes I forget. Im naturally sarcastic by nature and it’s my default setting. I teased him yesterday over something - he said he didn’t like it. I apologised and then two minutes later I teased him again. I shouldn’t have, I hold my hands up- but I find it increasingly hard to think all of the time about everything I say. He blew his top and fast forward 24 hrs and he is still upset that I called him a ‘ shortarse’ ( he isn’t short either and he knows that! I wouldn’t have said it if he was, he was trying on some trousers , at home, and they were a couple of inches too long) . He blames me that ‘ his entire weekend’ is ruined. This happens in one or another way every weekend and so I am blamed for spoiling his weekend. He forgets that it also spoils my weekend too as I spend it sat in my bedroom often in tears and that it spoils our DDs weekend too.
I’m so drained of being told I must change and it’s always all my fault. Apparently I’m a nasty sarcastic bitter woman. But I’m not. I’m a nasty sarcastic bitter woman who is always wrong too. He forgot that bit. 😢😢

Why on earth are you in the position you are in? Is this what you want for your life? Is this the relationship, the place you want to be in for the rest of your life?

If it isn't, then walk away. There is nothing stopping you. All this stuff, these dramas, his autism, your parents, all these bars on your prison, they don't exist. You just have to open your eyes, see it all for the appalling shitty sham that it is, and you can walk away, free.

And read the autism relationship thread HERE.

It's not working. You both struggle with each other's conditions.

I'm not blaming either of you.

Apologising and doing the same thing 2 minutes later makes a joke of the apology tbh.

You're right, what was said, can't be unsaid and quite frankly, rhank God. Neither of you sound particularly happy and you've both settled for a toxic stalemate.

Why are you with him? It sounds like an awfully toxic environment for your daughter. He may staying for the children but what's your excuse?

Hopefully, this is the catalyst to move on from the toxic stalemate that you've both settled on.

The relationship sounds like hard work and definitely a toxic environment for your DD . He doesn't support your disability,you are getting fed up with his autism. Neither of you is happy and your DD is stuck in the middle of all this. It's time to call it quits.

yummy please check the AS partners thread.

I've spent the last twenty years being criticised on every detail, it is both unpleasant and exhausting.

Could I suggest you have a good chat, there's some great tips on the other thread. If not I've resorted to writing letters, with bullets points. Something like - "when you say x, it makes me feel y, which makes me react in Z way" "why do you have to criticise me ALL the time?" etc.