Tired of push/pull/avoidant man

[PrettyFlowers]

I've been dating a man for six months. We get on well, been sleeping together about three months.

What I don't understand and am tired of is the push/pull type behaviour. An example would be that I am really relaxed about when we see each other (which is only weekly as both have kids and work), do I don't push to see him. Recently we have both been on holiday, then he was really keen to see me, so I got enthusiastic too, then yesterday he cancelled a few hours before we were due to meet . He said he was helping a friend who had gone to hospital (possibly true but he's vague on the details).

As I said, he regularly acts way more keen than me, but then detaches again by cancelling a date etc.

I went out with friends last night, so not a major problem . I know it's possible he has other women on the go but he's public with me on Facebook etc and he's divorced.

I have 'reasons' for him, such as troubled past, anxiety etc but I really don't understand whether there's anything I can do to improve the situation or if I should just move on. I've suggested calling it a day with him before and he proclaims love.

Way too soon to be agonising like this. Move on.

I really don't understand whether there's anything I can do to improve the situation No, there isn't, and it isn't your job anyway.

Yes, move on. This type of behaviour usually means they like to keep you interested by making plans, then pulling back and you ending up begging and grateful for scraps of attention, giving them an ego boost.

Move on. This is utterly disrespectful behaviour. He may think that by treating you like this he is somehow keeping you keen and interested. Not nice behaviour.

Thanks, yes I agree it's really disrespectful. I find it frustrating as I really can't relate to telling someone how wonderful you think they are and then flaking out of dates etc. If I like someone I see them, if I don't then I don't, I don't go hot and cold. Ugh.

Read the book 'He's just not that into you'. Eye. Opener. It's a short read that changes the the way you view the men you may or usually don't date.

I had someone do this to me. It turned out that he was interested in someone else who was just a ‘friend’ all along so was blowing hot and cold with me as fitted in with his progress with her. He dropped me for her as soon as she wanted a relationship with him.

A man who cares won’t play these games. I knew that but believed his words rather then his actions. Get rid.

Thanks, all very true points, it's good to hear so I don't think I'm doing something wrong though. At one point I used to get annoyed with him, then I stopped caring. Neither has made any difference. I should read that book, I agree he can't be into me!

I'll wait until he phones next and then tell him I'm calling it a day. Can't be bothered to contact him myself, he doesn't deserve it.

I read it , it was an eye opener. He treated me as if he didn’t care yet now treats her perfectly. These men know what they’re doing.

The title of the thread says it all - this is exactly what he is doing. He is insecure and wants you to chase him. It's about his ego and he's playing games. Walk away.

Sadly it’s a common theme with men these days these mind games, sorry to hijack...

I dated a guy and he seemed keen but after we dtd and he withdrew. He contacted me sporadically flirting and every time I suggested meeting he would have some excuse so I stopped responding.

There was recently a work night out and he totally ignored me. The next day he was messaging first thing in the morning saying how gorgeous I was in my red dress blah blah blah once again I tried to meet him and he blew me off.

I don’t bother responding to him anymore and I’m sure he feels like a sad loser now (here’s hoping)

These guys always have more than one women on the go of which one they may really really like and use the others as ego boosts.

Run away. I've just finished a relationship ( if you could call it that) after 2 years of this behaviour & finishing it, only to get back together 4 times. These men are only interested in what they want. Its not a healthy relationship. A man you're seeing should value you & make you feel loved. Not this. Took me 2 years to realise this, but last week the rose tinted glasses finally disappeared.