I don't know where to start. But here it goes...
I've been with my husband for 5 years (3 years married). We found each other somehow and fell deeply in love and decided to get married - his family did not want him to marry because I'm from the UK and not the "typical religious stay at home wife" - I was working in a corporate company, high salary, completely independent. So we got Married with no family at our ceremony, he moved out from his home and we started living together. As a side note, I have been living away from the UK for nearly 9 years due to my job - only visiting on holidays. He was so loving, caring, he left his family and wealthy lifestyle for me - to live with me, he was loved by all my friends and family he was actually the "perfect" husband in my eyes.
Last year I got pregnant (half planned half not - we tried for a year then gave up after no luck). His parents wanted to meet me since I was pregnant and actually started to accept the fact that we are married and will be having a baby. So everything was now perfect - we were both so happy, family was okay with us too and everything was just so perfect. During this time, I left my corporate job to work for my own company which I started on the side with him 4 years ago and we were becoming very successful.
We decided that it will be better if I give birth in the UK (since the healthcare system is terrible where we live) so I came back in January - with him. He had to manage our business so he kept going back and forth to see me and finally came back 3 weeks before my birth. I gave birth to a beautiful girl and my birth was very complicated; I was in the hospital for 5 days.
During my pregnancy and when we arrived back to our home after my birth he was acting very distant from me - still loving but not the usual. He wouldn't help out around the house, I was always left looking after our baby, cleaning, cooking and also still working from home and supporting out business as much as I can while our baby was sleeping.
while I was at home in the UK he would say he is going gym and would be out for around 3-4 hours.
Last month, something bugged me and while he was out of the house I saw his laptop was open so I couldn't help but look at his browser history. I was shocked to what I saw. My heart was pounding my hands shaking. He had been searching for escorts while in the UK - when he came to for our daughter's birth. He had sent so many, countless messages to escorts on adultwork - giving his own number. He was sending them messages while in the hospital with me after my birth and when we came home after the hospital... I don't have any proof that he slept with them but he has sent around 20 or more emails and messages to escorts. Before he came to the UK for the birth, he also took an Uber ride after saying goodnight to me to a strange place - which he said he went only to look at transexual escorts and he did not do anything with anyone.
Additionally, he has been watching gay and shemale porn only for around a year (or maybe more but I could only find info dating back to September last year). One Uber ride showed that while I was in the hospital recovering he went to a gay bar. He said he didn't know it was a gay bar... So on top of all the pretty blonde blue eye escorts in their early 20s - this was another blow to the face I had to deal with.
There was also another time when 4 days after my birth he went to another city in the UK for a seminar for 3 days and searched for escorts there too - but apparently "none of them got back to him".
It makes me so mad thinking that he kept telling me his credit cards were full - so he made me take out cash and give it to him. Now I just can't help but think that the cash he made me pull out was for his dirty work.
I confronted him and he never admitted to anything, it was just the more I found out the more he confessed. I begged him to open up to me and tell me everything - but he did not. It was only when I found out new information after searching. His reason for searching for escorts was that we were not having sex and he needed, to excuse my language, cum.
I took care of myself throughout my pregnancy, ı ate healthy did not put on a lot of weight, still worked out - went to the gym until the day I gave birth. I tried my best to make him satisfied in bed even though ı did not feel up to having sex - but obviously it was not enough. We never argued during my pregnancy - it went to smooth and although he never showed me the attention that maybe I was used to, he was always so attentive and caring. I trusted him and never ever thought he would do anything like this - not even close.
Since my pregnancy and after birth he has been managing our business more than me as I do not have the time as I did before. He says he is sorry, it will not ever happen again and it was just a "phase" he was going through. I try to forget it, I try for our daughters sake but it has been a month and I cannot get over what he has done. I feel so stuck and sick everytime I think of what he has done. The thought of my husband, my man, touching or even wanting another women (or man or shemale) makes me so sick.
Sorry for the long text, I really just needed to let the steam off somehow since I have not explained in this detail to anyone.
I'm considering divorcing but I just feel so bad for my daughter. At the same time I love him so much and want to believe that he will not do it again :(
As a side note, my mum and dad divorced because my dad was cheating on my mum for many years... so now I have no hope what so ever in relationships.