Help me to go NC with Dad

[HerondaleDucks]

I'm just freaking out as for the first time in my life I just called my Dad and said enough is enough.
I told him I don't want anything to do with him and that I can't do this any more. I told him I didn't want him to contact me again and that at 26 I knew my own mind
There's so many reasons why but I'm just freaking now because I confronted my bully.
I thought I would feel better but I don't I just feel like a mess.
He has just text me accusing me of attacking him and that at 82 years old he doesn't deserve it.
He does.
Please help me to be strong and go no contact with this nasty nasty man.

Block his number. Change yours. And stay strong. Been there myself and best thing i ever did. Just because you are related does not mean u need to keep awful ppl in your life. X

Is it literally as simple as blocking? I'm already feeling guilty and terrible for telling him how he makes me feel

You will feel that way now but remind yourself of the reasons why you feel you wanted to make that choice. Do whats best for you...you only get one life

I did it and have no regrets at all
I didn’t visit him in the hospital when he was dying ( he used to claim he was all the time and I came running) and didn’t go to his funeral.
I did miss having A dad but not him specifically and as he wasn’t much of one anyway.
Block all lines of contact and prepare for messages about how old, ill he is and how much he needs you, he doesn’t its a way to get you back in line
Don’t explain or apologise to him or anyone else, if anyone asks just say you wish him well but don’t want him in your life.
Best of luck OP, you can do it

Ive been exactly where you are and it looks like it may be a similar situation with my Mum (although I hope it won't get that far).

I suffered terribly with guilt after NC with my dad - mostly pushed on me by my mum, then I struggled very much when he died. Grief for an emotionally abuse or NC parent is very complex

My advice is to seek counselling to help you cope with the guilt that you may feel and other negative feelings which may crop up.

I've been advised a number of times to read Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. It is changing my ingrained beliefs and (it's not easy) but changing how I feel about these things.

I'm not as eloquent about this subject as many others here. I don't always have the vocabulary to effectively explain - it's new to me. Someone else will come along and talk you through this much better than I could.

Stay strong

It's really hard in the moment. The hardest thing you'll ever do and I can't even imagine it properly because I'm only low contact. But even that was tough, he will kick up a fuss and you will have to be strong. Block his number, if you can't see it you can't give into it. Write down everything that you feel and when you're finding it hard, read it back to yourself.

Thank you all for this really useful advice.
It been such a long time coming, and in the end I knew I was forcing myself to have contact from the guilt of him being old and what happened if he died.
But in the last 3 months he's been really escalating the abusive emails and texts.
Mainly around my mum, my shitty genes and how I'm probably infertile due to my mum's black family and a really nasty accusation that my step dad is a paedophile. He's not. He's never hurt me and it's completely unfounded.
I spent my childhood defending my loved ones and he destroyed my self esteem. I was fat and no good and how my step dad would try and get into my bed etc. He never did.
Whenever I saw him he would insult my mum.
As an adult I had as little contact as I could because every time I saw him he would make me cry.
The guilt of going completely NC made me keep in touch.
But the paedophile thing has really escalated and I can't cope with how upsetting it is. Why would anyone say those nasty things?

I have completely blocked him. I am expecting a letter in the post next. Would be his style.

Do not respond to any letter that is sent by him, what such disordered of thinking people want is a response and that to him is the reward. Shred it and do not give this any more power. Block all his e-mails and texts from him. BTW if his texts are abusive he can potentially be prosecuted for sending malicious communications so it is worth mentioning to the authorities.

Radio silence from you needs to be maintained. Sod feeling guilty as well; your dad feels no guilt whatsoever for doing what he has done to you and your loved ones. Its not your fault he is like this, you did not make him this way. His own family of origin did that.

You may want to read "Toxic Parents" written by Susan Forward as well as reading the Out of the FOG website. I would also consider finding a therapist to work with.

That's the second reccomendation for that book. I'm definitely going to give a it a read.
I have been to counselling before about how he makes me feel.
But the paedophile thing and dodgy genetics attacks have only really come into his mind in the last 3 years. So maybe I need to look into it again.